I've never really had an ambition.
I remember when I was in elementary I kept seeing in autograph books the question, "What is your ambition?"
I remember answering, to be successful, to finish college, to graduate, and at least one time to be a doctor and/or teacher.
But I've never really pursued any of those, 'cause I never really wanted to.
I've had a lot of interests, from sports to music, but nothing that I was really, hopelessly passionate about. I was never really a passionate person. I'm not disciplined and I lack devotion.
I took gymnastics lessons when I was around 6 or 7, with my sisters and cousin (my brother took them too, then switched to swimming), and stopped after 2 or 3 summers. I really liked the sport. I recall my first time to do a trick on the bars, I was so excited, I kept coming and coming back even though it was time to go home. And I was so proud of what I have learned. The next two summers I learned even more, and I really thought I was doing so well. I wanted to be a gymnast.
But then, one summer we just never came back. My brother still did swimming lessons, but in a different facility. My sisters and I wasn't able to continue our lessons. I was really frustrated then 'cause I wanted to be so good at something. And considering my built, I thought it was the perfect sport for me. Well, that or ballet.
I just found out last night why we had to stop. I really thought it was because of the prices, that it was getting too expensive. It turns out that wasn't it. You see, it was summer classes, held during April to May, right around election time. At least now I won't think I was deprived. Not that I do think that, I'm just over-dramatic.
And then I was in a really musical phase. I distinctly remember that ever since I was in first grade, I asked if I could take piano lessons. I didn't, but still I played with our piano at home even though it was so old and out of tune. I learned to play Do Re Mi. I think my brother taught it to me, we just kind of played with it for a while then got it.
In my first year of Highschool I did take piano lessons, up to the fourth year. And guitar, and voice for a year. But still I never really thought that I was a good musician. I really, really wanted to be a musician, until now. Though somehow I'm sensing that it just isn't for me. Yes, I can play the piano, but I'm not able to play as good as I would like to be. The same goes for the guitar. And I've always liked to sing, but I really don't sing very well. I do know the problem's with me, 'cause I don't practice. Like I said, I'm not disciplined.
So I thought I could still pursue something in the music biz, such as Audio Editing/Production, A&R, something like that . The chance seemed to come when I was able to apply for an internship at a record label in Long Beach. Sadly, it didn't work out. I was offered the internship, but I didn't take it.
I've had lots of opportunities to have an ambition, to find something that I want to succeed in, but I really didn't pursue anything whole-heartedly.
So now I want to chase a dream.
I want to learn to ice skate.
And though this is really just because of the Winter Olympics bug, and envying the athletes, I still want to try it. I've always admired the sports that needed grace; like I said I also wanted to try ballet. I think figure skating's such an elegant sport and I just want to know if I had the potential to do it. I think what piqued my interest was when I read about Amanda Evora, who's a Fil-Am figure skater in the pairs division. She was 5' tall, in her 20's I think, and really petite. And I just thought, if she could do it, why can't I? And the South Korean winner of the figure skating, women's individual, was also very petite. So I thought my body's already built for that sport. I can't dance though, but well, I can't skate either. I really want to learn. I'd even like to try speed skating. I just want to ice skate, and see how it turns out.
I know I'm already 20, and most figure skaters start at a very young age. But I've read some articles and they say that was still okay. You could still learn as an adult. And my goal's not really to reach the Olympics, that would just be a perk. I just want another try at something. I want another chance to pursue an interest. I want to be brave enough to chase another dream.
So now I'm deliberating whether I'm really willing to spend some money (out of my own pocket) to chase a dream. I'm also hoping that after my first try I can more or less gauge if I still think that I can do it. If not, well at least I got it out of my system. Now, if I thought I had the potential, and others thought that I had the potential, well just more reason to get a job. Although doing it would still need quite a lot of discipline, which hopefully would come to me, if I do want to pursue it.
***I can't believe I said all of those. I've said that I was never really passionate about anything, but since the thought of ice skating came to me, I've just never thought about anything else.
Want to know something funny? Here's my horoscope for the day:
Shierra,
You may get a telephone call regarding some kind of sporting event today. Someone you know may invite you to join a local league or team. You will want to be physically active and could be researching physical activity or sports over the Internet.
Now, how weird is that?
Sunday Currently
2 years ago
