What could have been

The greatest mistake you can make is to be continually fearing you will make one.

 -Elbert Hubbard

I know, right?!

I remember months ago, when I just arrived here, thinking I should be able to make my own mistakes. I know people are trying to help, and of course they just want what's best for me. But it would do them no good to dictate. I'm very, very, very stubborn. And oftentimes I just don't do the things that people want me to. I always want to be in control of my life, my actions and all. It's like, I don't tell you what to say, think or do, so don't tell me what to say, think and do.

I want to make my own mistakes because being the stubborn person that I am, I won't learn until I experience it for myself. Of course, this does not mean every experience. I don't have to be cut by a knife to know that it'll hurt (Though I learned that mistake already). But I'm saying really great things that may end up in failure.

Right now I don't know what I really want. Well actually I do, but I'm not so sure if I can have it. Anyway, I'm exploring my possibilities. I want to discover for myself what I can and cannot do and the only way I can know that is to try the different possibilities.

I don't want to be one of those people who have lots of regrets just because they didn't do the things they wanted to do then. I believe that we're always given choices and it is up to us what we want to do. I don't want to be wondering what could have been.

The birth and death of a day

This was the sight that I woke up to see this morning.

And these are the things that I did during the day

Happy 20th Birthday to me!

Can't take my eyes off you

I have officially fallen in love with Jersey Boys. I really have. I'm listening to their songs over and over again, both from the original Four Seasons and the Broadway's Original Soundtrack. Their songs are now my ear worms. I know that this is just a phase and I've been here lots of times already, with Maroon 5, Taylor Swift and Something Corporate (and that's just naming a few; I just remembered Meteor Garden). And so starts the obsession. I do hope this won't last long though. I think I've been spending too much time on the computer lately. Hence, the four posts in a single week. And it's just the first week of the month! Oh well, I'd absolutely do anything, If I can, to watch Jersey Boys again. From what I've seen in the interviews online, people really do watch it multiple times. And Joseph Leo Bwarie even said that there were those who have watched it 75 times. Now, I don't know if that's true, but it may be highly possible 'cause they still keep on getting great reviews. And there are I think 7 productions all over the world which are currently running. I really, really, really want to see it again. If I can I'd even go to a different city just to watch. I don't even care if it's not the same actors cause I just like the whole play itself, the story and the songs. Of course I wouldn't complain if I get to see again the ones from the first time, they we're fantastic! But their run in DC ends on the 12th and I really doubt I'll be able to watch again by then. I'm crossing my fingers though. You never know. They are the ones who are touring after all, maybe I'll get to see them in a different city.

I'm reading The Color Purple now. It's kind of short so I guess I'll finish if not today then tomorrow. I've been wanting to watch the movie but I've not gotten to it yet. And now while reading the book, the more I want to see the movie. Oh well maybe I'll queue it on Netflix.

This is an excerpt from an article written by Beau Higgins from Broadway World regarding Jersey Boys:

Last night I fell in love with Joseph Leo Bwarie. I am not positive if I fell in love with Mr. Bwarie as Frankie Vallie or the performer himself. No matter, I can't wait to see what he does next. Of course, this would be after witnessing his glorious achievement in Jersey Boys about a dozen more times. He stopped the show more than once and no one in that theater seemed to be able to get enough of the magical spell he kept drawing us into. Smoothly seductive charisma, handsome to look at and a voice that is impossibly magnificent. What a great singer Joseph Leo Bwarie is and how brilliantly he performs in Jersey Boys. Wow! He is beyond sublime and every home should have a Joseph Leo Bwarie in it.


I absolutely feel the same way.

He's just so great. He's a wonderful performer. I would want to see him again even if in a different project. And I've read somewhere that he's gonna be part of the movie Valentine's Day. Well it seems like a nice movie after all, lots of big actors. So I guess he'll be one more reason for me to watch the film. Taylor Swift stars, as well as Taylor Lautner. And Emma Roberts too, from Unfabulous, whom I really like! Anyway, really, Joseph Leo's fantastic, his voice: simply amazing. And like the writer said, seductive charisma and handsome to look at. I have to agree. And he's not tall, so I'm already imagining him singing to me as well. HAHA. Well, he's really not. The real Frankie Valli wasn't as well. And I just realized how much I adore Italians. Al Pacino, Joe Mantegna, Andy Garcia, all from The Godfather franchise. Need I say more? Good thing I took up Italian as a foreign language elective. Though I doubt it would do any good. I'm not sure if Bwarie's Italian though. He looks more Indian to me. I just remembered I kinda saw him up close 'cause after the show they were at the lobby asking for donations, and well he was there, maybe 2, 3 feet away. Also he starred in Princess Diaries 2, a small role I guess, but I'd want to see it again just to watch him. I also watched some of his interviews and he seemed funny. I really hope he is.

I almost forgot, my favorite scene of Bwarie. It goes something like this:

Frankie: But what if they don’t like me as a single?

Bob: What makes you think they liked you before?

Frankie: Fuck you.

Well I guess you had to be there. But really, that scene may just be the moment that I fell in love with him. Haha, it was the way he said "Fuck you", it was great. =))


Well maybe I'd also add this, also from the same article:

The entire ensemble of this show is top notch without a weak leak peeking through. Matt Bailey and Steve Gouveia are simply perfect as THE FOUR SEASON's Tommy DeVito and Nick Massi. Creating new levels for that top notch is Josh Franklin as Bob Gaudio. His singing is gorgeous, his looks are gorgeous and his performance is absolutely fetching, charming and engaging. Great, great work, Mr. Franklin.


Indeed, the three were also great. Matt Bailey as Tommy DeVito seemed perfect even though I don't really know the real person. There's just something in his acting that makes it seem all so real. Plus he kind of opened the story, which he did really well. Steve was funny playing Nick Massi. He was from the original Broadway cast so he's been doing this a long time. And it shows. It's like natural to him. Haha I remember this scene when he feels Bob doesn't notice him. He was really funny, he made everyone laugh. His words and expression are just so fitting. Josh Franklin was very charming. I don't know if it's his eyes, but there's just something about him that's really captivating. And I think he really plays the keyboard, which is the same instrument that Bob Gaudio plays, which is great. 'Cause well during the play they also play instruments, and I don't really think he was faking it. If he was then he still did a good job, I was so convinced it was real!

Update:
I just read from another interview, according to Bwarie, "The actors play their own instruments."

Read full article

Really, I could go on all day, heck maybe all week talking about the same topic. And since I have no one to talk to regarding this, I'll just have to pour all these emotions in my blog. It's like even when I try to digress I still end up where I started.

Well, what can I do? I'm obsessed. This too shall pass, as the others have. And if you're reading this, and you're my friend, well you know how I am. This is me.

First day on a brand new planet

*-*-*-*-*

...for the past few days I've talked to three guys. All of whom I used to like like.

And I felt nothing. =)

I've got you under my skin

Last Saturday I watched my first theater play/musical since coming here. It was Jersey Boys, the story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. If you don't think you know them 'cause the names aren't familiar, you might know their songs. I didn't even really know them when it was decided that we were gonna watch. But I just really wanted to see a play/musical, and I knew that it was gonna be great because they've been getting excellent reviews. We watched the matinee, and considering that it was the afternoon, there were A LOT of people. Well, it was Saturday after all. But still, I would've thought that there wouldn't be that much 'cause they would prefer the evening shows. Anyway, I read the play bill and there it mentioned their songs. Though you might not know them, they released some very well-known songs namely, Stay ("Oh won't you stay just a little bit longer"), Big Girls Don't Cry, Sherry ("Sherry, Sherry Baby") Walk Like A Man, and of course one of their big hits, Can't Take My Eyes Off You.

I remember always asking my mother who sang Can't take my eyes off you. And well now I know, and I even found out about the band's history. It was a really, really great show. I know it was my first here so I can't compare it with anything, but I just know that it was great. From the very first performance which was the opening song I was hooked. The actors were fantastic, it starred Joseph Leo Bwarie as Frankie Valli, and Matt Bailey, Steve Gouveia and Josh Franklin as the rest of the Four Seasons. The song numbers were all great, they were all such wonderful singers. The whole production was really, really awesome. I'm running out of superlatives now so I'll just stop the raving right there. But really, it was such a great experience. I'm so happy that the first show I watched here was not a disappointment. I REALLY LOVED IT. As if it wasn't obvious. But really, like I said, we watched Saturday afternoon, and until now, almost a week later, I'm still raving about it, and reading about the band, and downloading their songs. They were a 60's band by the way. And their still touring. The only remaining member from the original is Frankie Valli, and another original member writes the songs. I would looove to watch them someday. And I enjoyed the show so much I also want to see it again!

And I'm looking forward to getting to see more shows. =) *crossing fingers*


I finished reading The Client by John Grisham last night. It was a very suspenseful read, i think it might be my favorite book to date. I'm hoping to watch the movie adaptation too, I just queued it in Netflix.

Good news

THIS WAS MY GREATEST REASON FOR WANTING TO COME HERE.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE LET ME GOOOO.

I WANNA GOOOO!!!

I WANNA WATCH.

I WANNA SEE THEM PLAY.

I REALLY, REALLY DO.


...I don't think I've ever wanted anything so bad.


PLEASE OH PLEASE.


PLEEEASE LET ME GET A JOB...


...so I can save up for my ticket.


PLEASE.

AND IF I DO GET A JOB, PLEASE LET THE PEOPLE CONCERNED PERMIT ME IN GOING.

PLEASE.


THIS WOULD, HANDS DOWN, BE THE MOST AWESOME 20th BIRTHDAY PRESENT.


California,

I shall return.

I'm wide awake, it's morning

*This was actually supposed to have been posted last night.*


***

Just had a haircut. Again.

I don't think it has been three months since I last got my hair cut. Oh well, now I want my hair short. I actually still want it a little shorter than it is now.


Had a very interesting morning. And because of that, I shall tell the story in my blog. Just so I remember this day.

Woke up from a dream, more like a nightmare, really. I swore to myself that I shall stop hoping and dreaming of that same guy that I have wished for for three years already. And I was true to my word. Of course he still comes by my thoughts, but I don't really think of him "think of him". It just kind of passes by, like a very brief moment. Anyway, about the dream. Well it's kind of fun really, cause like I told a few of my friends, it was kind of like a show on television, with all the action and the drama. I just recall that I went someplace where the guy was, then there were bad guys. Then all of a sudden we were running. I don't know why I was just with him. But I just know that I was running with him, kind of like I was helping him. I think we were going to see the bad guys, though he doesn't know that yet. Anyway, the dream ends while we were running I think, or that's just all that I recall. It was really weird cause when I was starting to realize that it was a dream and feel like I was waking up, I kept closing my eyes real tight cause I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to still be in the dream. Though I call it a nightmare, it was kind of a nice dream, really. And also, one thing that I didn't really forget was a part in the dream where I touched the guy, like really held his hands. And the dream felt like it was really real and that I was there. And well the weirdest part, I actually woke up feeling very tired. My upper body ached and so did my legs.

AND THEN... and this is a really big AND THEN...

I go online and guess what? The guy, that I dreamt about, left me an offline message. I was really, really surprised. But there was also a part of me that wasn't, cause for some reason when I woke up from the dream, I had a feeling that he would message me, that I would get to talk to him. And so that's what happened. I replied to his message and he was still online. We talked, but only for a bit. Like I always say, our conversation goes nowhere.

So after a few messages here and there I stopped replying. Then he messages back saying something really conceited, and I just stopped replying. I don't really know if he's trying to say something, and why he said those things. So I just ignored him. I was also kind of surprised with myself 'cause I didn't think that I would react the way I did. 'Cause knowing me, I would've really made a huge deal of what happened. If they were coincidences or not. But well, I just don't like to think so much of it anymore. I guess I just got so tired of it all. So I guess I didn't think about it that much the whole day. I just thought about it again when I was writing this entry. Although it would be really cool if that dream continues. I would really love that. =)

Oh well, so that's my morning. Really weird, but kind of interesting. It was a fun day. Alhough it rained most of the day. But still, I'm going to bed happy today. =)

Don't dream it's over

My keyboard just arrived!


SO HAPPY! =)

Fall On Me

Listening to Monster's Riot.

Requested some songs through Facebook.

Heard one of the songs I requested.

Such a wonderful moment. =)


Hahaha, well it's my first time (I think) to request anything on air. Sooo exciting. I really thought I won't get to hear any of my songs 'cause I mostly requested OPM (Original Pilipino Music), and they weren't playing any OPM. Also, some of the requests which came after mine were already being played. And being the anxious (and jealous) person that I am, I kinda lost hope already. So it was really, REALLY exciting when the song came on. =)) Plus, DJ Gelli pronounced my name correctly so that was another great thing. =) I love her already! She's beautiful too!

Obviously Im so hyped up by this. So here's to a wonderful night!

PS:
She mentioned my name again! Hahaha 'cause I said that I got so excited the first time. =)) For that, I shall try to tune in everyday.

The search for something more

Just raked autumn leaves from the front yard. FUN. =)

Why is it there's nothing to do online anymore? I used to have days when I would be online almost 24/7. But now, it's like there's nothing to do. Well maybe that's really how it is, and I just hadn't noticed before now.

I like Taylor Swift. I really do. But if all this press about her doesn't stop or just even lessen soon, I think I'm gonna end up disliking her. Too bad, 'cause I really do like her. I think she's very talented and beautiful; and maybe even really nice too. Sure, there are a lot of greater singers than her out there, but I love her songs. I just can't stand all the attention she's getting. I'm happy for her though, really. The awards, all the recognition she's getting, she deserves it. But I just don't like things getting too hyped up. And I think that's what's happening now. Everyday there's some article about her. Every few hours I hear one of her songs on the radio. Like I said, I do like her and her songs, but there comes a point when you just get tired of it all. So I really hope that this Taylor Swift mania subsides, if even just a little. I don't want her to end up like Britney Spears after all. I just want to go through days without seeing her face on the newspaper or tabloids, or hearing a song of hers on the radio.

Am I really that self-centered? Oh well, maybe I am.

The Desperate Kingdom of Love

"Study first before you enter the kingdom of Love" -Melay. PBB

“One thing I’ve learned, that in the face of true love, you don’t just give up. Even if the object of your affection is begging you to.” - Chuck Bass. GG


Those were just some of the words I've read this week which truly hit a nerve.


Funny how some people experience the same kinds of things at the same time. Hence, the title of this post. As of this writing, I have talked to one, two... five people who are kind of  having the same situation right now.

I, however, am trying to get away from that place. Not because I want to, but I have to. Too many people have already told me to move on. And I've told myself that too plenty of times. It's just that I haven't had the will to do it yet. But a friend said, "Take chances. But know when to stop." And I remember another friend telling a friend, "Iba ang binibigyan ng chance sa pinipilit na lang." Sometimes I think that that's exactly what I've been doing. I force myself to believe that there are certain things to do with me, which somehow has to do with him as well. For one thing, how his ex-girlfriend looks so much like one of my sisters. I kept thinking that Fate was bringing us together. Especially how after three years of no communication, we find each other again. Well, I found him. But still, for me it was Fate. Yes, cheesy much. But that's really what I think. Or well, I should say thought. But honestly, no matter how much people would tell me that it's not true, I still believe it. But now I also believe that I should not be throwing myself at him. And as some people have said, if he really wanted to talk me then he would. And I believe that now, cause he's had lots of chances. And he hasn't really done anything about it. None that I notice, at least. So now I think I really am ready for the Acceptance stage. I've been watching As Told By Ginger episodes and I think it has helped me realize that sometimes you really have to let go of things that matter to you, or things you believe in, in order to find yourself and find new things that would matter to you, and to gain new perspective.

According to a Dove Promises Message, "You will not discover new oceans until you've had the courage to leave the shore."

I'm not completely closing that chapter however, like I said, I still believe. I would just not be doing some crazy, stupid things anymore.

Splinter in my heart

It's kind of sad really
Guess I'm the sort who'll linger
When the credits roll
I still can't leave a picture
The picture I hold
In my heart

It makes me mad really
Wish I could blame a twister
Or a hurricane,
Or my pesky sister
Wish I could blame away this feeling
In my heart

There's reasons left to fight
There's you to kiss good night
Hold on
Hold on tight


from As Told By Ginger

It gets the worst at night

Hinde ka na umaasa pero parang gusto mo pa rin maghintay.


I don't remember where I heard it from or who said it, but that sentence explains in just so many words how I am feeling right now.

With arms outstretched

People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to

People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me


*Lyrics from Taylor Swift's Breathe


It really is 2 AM.
And I'm waiting for you.

I just said to someone earlier how fairy tales kind of tell girls that the only way that we'll be happy is when we meet our princes - which isn't really a good thing.

And yet here I am, waiting for mine.


I still believe that women don't need men to complete themselves, and the same goes for men. Some people grow old without a significant other, and they're okay with that. They still lead happy lives. They devote their love not to their husbands or wives, but to other people, maybe family or friends, and maybe their dreams or whatever.


And as usual, I don't exactly do the things I preach.

I just can't figure out how one person can have this certain effect on me. Someone I've never even really met. Someone that I don't exactly know. Although I tell myself that I do. He doesn't know it, but I know that I know him. I don't know his favorite color, his middle name or things like that, but I just have that feeling that I know him. Like how he is, or how he behaves, or the way he thinks.

Well actually, maybe not the way he thinks. For some reason, he keeps sending me offline messages in Y!M. I don't even know if it's a group message or just for me. It's just really short ones like 'hi', 'hey' or happy and frowny faces. And recently a quote from (500) Days of Summer, which by the way I haven't even watched yet. But I really, really wanted to. Sadly during the time that it was in theaters, we don't really get out much. Anyway... I don't know what to think of these messages. I wouldn't like to think much of it, cause sometimes I message him when he's online and he doesn't reply. During the times that he does reply, our conversations go nowhere.

I really take a long time to move on. The first time this kind of thing happened I was 15. It took me a year to get over the guy. I thought that was long already. And yet here I am three years later still hoping for the same guy. Well, not that first guy, but the main guy, who by the way was the reason I got over the first guy.

I wouldn't normally blog about this 'cause it's not just me. I don't usually pour out my feelings to friends, let alone in my blog. It seems weird telling myself what I'll write. But this has been going on too long already and I just had to vent.


...And still "Breathe" is playing repeatedly.

The wind that blew my heart away

Fall is here
Fall is here
It's my favorite time of year


Well, my new favorite season. It's just my first time after all to experience fall. Just got that song from Rugrats' Angelica.

Apparently the weather starts to get cold early in the fall. However, there are still some sunny days from where I am now. From what I have read, this place usually experiences extreme climate. Good luck during winter season then. It's just mid October and I'm really, really cold. Not to mention that it has been raining all day for about two days already. My aunt says that during winter the temperature even reaches below zero degrees. Hello layers. Layers, layers, layers.

By the way, if you didn't know already, I'm no longer in California. Hallo East Coast, Hello DC. Rode the subway two weeks ago. I remembered how I rode the LRT everyday to get to school.

Speaking of school, my batch mates are going to be graduating soon, some of them already finishing this October. I'm really happy for them, but I still can't help thinking that sadly I won't graduate with them. I want to see them when they march though. *Crossing fingers*

We might as well be strangers

After all these years... the rush is still there - the exact surge of emotion that started three years ago. As his name or face appears even in the most inconspicuous of places, the heart still races the same way. As that small strip of notification from Yahoo! Messenger shows up with his name on it, the words disappointment, hope, and fate come to mind.


Like I said, it started three years ago, the summer just before college. I won't bore you with the details anymore. Just know that this wasn't exactly the first time that this kind of thing has happened, so there's really no surprise. It's just the typical girl meets guy - girl like likes guy - guy fools girl - guy breaks girl's heart and tears it to pieces kind of thing. Except that until now, there's still some heart-tearing happening. And it's completely the girl's fault.


You see, the two still talk. The girl knows it's bad for her 'cause there's still something there. She feels both the ache and happiness in being able to converse with the guy, even though their talks don't really go anywhere. She did like like him after all. Maybe still does, but has lost all hope. And the guy, he's happy with another girl. But the saddest part - guy doesn't remember girl.

Every night is another story

I had a very interesting dream last night; woke up thinking if I remembered it right. All I can recall now however is the really interesting part. And since it was a dream, it doesn't really have to make sense, but still, this one in particular was very weird.

So now every time I try to play back the dream in my head, all that appears is exactly the last thing I saw right before I woke up. I opened the door to my room and there was this guy in my bed. And I'm not talking about my room here from where I am now, but my room at home, where I used to sleep - the bottom bunk of the double deck. And well this wasn't just some random or unknown guy, cause if it was I really wouldn't think anything of it. But this was someone that I actually know, and even liked - like liked.

Oh well, so I'm actually just blogging this so I won't forget. It was a nice dream after all - weird, but nice.


Also I changed the featured music to Stolen by Dashboard Confessional feat. Juli. I just adore this version, and I love the music video! I had the sudden urge to listen to this when I thought of songs that would be nice to play for a wedding. Of course my first thought was Maroon 5's She will be loved. This came next.


Yesss... a post written properly in English. I was just thinking that I really have to speak the language more often so I'd really be comfortable with it. I do have to work sooner or later and deal with people who talk in English.

You gotta go there to come back

Just had a haircut yesterday, better than my past few haircuts. As in super medyo na lang, ma-a-achieve na sana yung perfect haircut na gusto ko, na matagal ko nang pinapangarap. Oh well. Okay na rin naman nga, and besides, masaya ako kasi favorite ko talaga ang shampoo portion ng haircut. Haha kasi minamassage talaga yung ulo mo eh, super relaxing. Ang inexpensive pa ng haircut sa salon na yun, Paul Mitchell School. Future professionals kasi yung nabibigay ng services. Cool rin kasi para sa experience nila talaga. Malas mo lang kung hinde magaling yung matapat sa'yo. Ayon sa ibang reviews na nabasa ko, hinde sila satisfied sa outcome ng mga buhok nila. Pero ako ayos lang naman so buti na lang.


Hmmm... sabi nila ang haircut parang nag-e-entail ng pagbabagong-buhay. Ang weird lang na a day after ako nagpagupit, biglang may nagparamdam mula sa nakaraan ko. Haha. Funny. Fate?

[Paula, kung binabasa mo eto, nagtext si "Plumber."]

Near wild heaven

This is such a happy post. =) =) =)

Nag-try kami today ng ate ko sumakay ng bus, kasi para kapag papasok ako sa pinagvovolunteer-an ko, mag-bus na lang ako instead na sumabay sa asawa ng pinsan ko pumasok, super aga kasi tapos maghihintay pa ako ng ilang oras.

I am now volunteering sa New Americans Museum sa Liberty Station sa Point Loma. Nakakaisang araw pa lang ako pero okay naman. Last week pa ako nag-start. Hinde ako nakapasok this week, kasi... PMS. haha basta lang.

First day was okay naman, bukod na lang nga sa super paghihintay ko, kasi yung class ng pinsan ko starts at 8AM, so dapat mahatid niya ako by 7:20 ganun. Pero yung museum nag-oopen mga 10 AM pa, so naggala na lang muna ako sa store, at tumambay sa Starbucks at medyo nagbasa.

Sa araw na iyon rin natupad ang isa sa mga pangarap ko...

Photocopy.

Pangarap ko talaga mag-photocopy. Gusto ko maging xerox girl, unhealthy nga lang raw. Pero natutuwa lang talaga ako sa pagphophotocopy. At natuwa naman nga talaga ako nung na-experience ko na talaga. Yun lang ang ginawa ko buong araw, bukod sa pagtambay.


So balik na ulit sa present. Okay naman biyahe, matagal lang nga talaga kasi malayo. Well not really. Kapag drive medyo kaya siya ng 10 to 15 minutes. Kung bus, aabot ng mahigit 1 hour. Grabe lang, pero hinde naman actually ma-traffic, tuluy-tuloy naman ang biyahe. Kaya lang, syempre nag-sstop madalas ang bus para magsakay at magbaba ng mga pasahero.

Merong malapit na Barnes and Noble dun sa pinuntahan namin, so dinaanan namin bago umuwi. Natupad na naman isa sa mga pangarap ko.

Pride and Prejudice. Super daming beses ko na napanuod yung movie starring Keira Knightley, as in kasama yun talaga sa favorite movies list ko. Sobrang gusto ko na mabasa yun as in ten years ever na, pero hinde ako makabili-bili. Gusto ko kasi hardbound. Eh ayaw ako pabilhin dati kasi wala pa naman talaga ako pera, well ngayon wala pa rin. Pero oh well haha nakabili na rin finally. Ang saya lang, kasi yung una kong nakita na hardbound ang mahal talaga, pero maganda. Kasi mahal nga so wag na yun. Yung paperback na lang sana. Tapos pag may pera na ako balak ko bibili na lang ako ng hardbound.

Then napunta ate ko sa bargain books section. Tapos lumapit ako pinakita niya sa 'kin. Tada! May Jane Austen books dun. Tapos mas mura - define bargain talaga! And hardbound pa! So go na talaga.

Eh di tuwang tuwa na ako diba, tapos may mas nakapagpatuwa pa sa 'kin...

Rewind to a few days ako, nanuod kami ng movie na Becoming Jane starring Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy (i don't really like her but i super like him, and syempre I love Jane Austen!) Okay naman yung movie, twice ko napanuod then ni-research ko kung tunay ba yung story. Apparently medyo adaptation din siya from a book na ang title ay Becoming Jane Austen. So syempre gusto ko na rin mabasa yun.

Fast forward to today... Kasama pa rin sa bargain book section, napatingin ko sa isang cart. Then, tada! Becoming Jane Austen! Nagulat talaga ako, kasi naiinis ako dahil hinde ko maisip before nun kung sino yung author so di ko lam kung paano ko kaya yun hahanapin. Kaya grabe lang talaga nahanap ko siya.


So yun na yun.


At isa pang happy thing, nag-free trial kami ng Netflix, subscription siya ng movies ipapapadala sa'yo DVD's though mail, or internet or TV. Two weeks yung free trial pero balak naman namin ituloy kasi parang mura naman ang for more movies. =)


So all in all this has been a happy week. Yaaay! =)

Unopened letters to the world

Andami kong gusto gawin dati nung mas bata ako, gusto ko sumayaw, umarte, kumanta, tumugtog, maging cashier, etc. Basta, mga gawain na nakikiharap sa tao. Tapos parang dati ang friendly ko, samantalang ngayon ang suplada na. Hinde na ako people-person. Tapos parang nastastage fright na rin ako kapag magpeperform or something. Grabe lang.



Pero hanggang ngayon gusto ko pa rin talaga maging artist. Sa tingin ko kasi napaka-glamorous ng artists. Tapos parang napaka-free-ing. As in kahit anong klaseng artist sana eh, kaso hinde ako marunong mag-draw, at hinde rin naman ako nag-aact. So parang hanggang musika na lang talaga. Oh well hinde rin naman ako kumakanta, pero as in kahit nung super bata ako gusto ko na talaga kumanta. At mataba rin nga pala ako nung bata, maputi pa.

Oh well bilang takot nga ako, gusto ko na lang yung mga behind-the-scenes na trabaho, na kahit hinde performer, pero yung mga mag-aarrange na lang ng mga something. Gusto ko maging sound engineer, or roadie, or promoter. Basta yung crew sa mga artists ganun. Parang ang saya lang kasi.



Tapos gusto ko rin maging event coordinator, event planner ganun. Favorite ko weddings, parang ang saya i-plano. Tapos parang ang fulfilling after nung kasal, na kahit ang haggard na mag-plano eh nawawala na lang kapag masaksasihan mo na yung event.

Gusto ko rin nga pala maging photographer. Haaay basta marami talaga nga, yung mga tipong ganung trabaho. Yun ang mga gusto ko dati. Eh ngayon ang mga hinahanap ko na eh yung mga tipong nakatago lang sa office forever, dahil ayoko na nga ng mga nakikiharap sa tao.

Oh well basta, isa pa rin etong "gusto" post, pero at least mas malalim, hinde na ka-materialistic-an.

I want something that I want

Gusto ko ng bagong laptop.

Gusto ko Mac.

As in kahit anong mac, kahit pro, air, macbook, or iBook pa. Basta mac.

Gusto ko talaga ng Mac.

ehem*birthday*ehem


Tapos gusto ko rin ng The Sims 3.

Nakakatuwa yung commercial, parang ang saya saya.


Gusto ko rin ng gitara.

Masaya ako sa keyboard ko, sobra! As in WOW! Pero gusto ko rin ng gitara...


Sabi ko pag nagkaroon ako ng pera, na sumusuweldo na ako, yun ang ilan sa mga una kong bibilhin. Well except ata yung laptop... umaasa pa akong may magbigay na lang, or kung ako man, matagal pa. Andami kong software pati na gustong bilhin: Adobe Audition, Photoshop na rin siguro tsaka Premiere, Microsoft Office...


haaay at syempre para makamit ko yung mga bagay na yun, iisa lamang ang kailangan:

PERA


...which I don't have.

...sa ngayon.


Oh well.

Trabaho. Gusto ko rin nga pala ng trabaho.

The tide that left and never came back

Just got back from the beach. I love the beach. So far, dalawang beach pa lang ang napupuntahan ko dito, yung sa Long Beach and dito sa San Diego. Super pangarap ko talaga na someday magkaroon ng bahay na hinde lang may ocean view pero talagang ilang lakad lang nasa dagat ka na, and pwedeng pwede na lumusong sa tubig. As in sariling bahay. As in yung akin lang. Ako lang nakatira dun sa bahay na yun. Siguro kung mayaman talaga ako nun kaya ko na rin mag-hire ng maid so baka yun pala ang kasama sa bahay.

Bukod dun sa beach house na pangarap ko,...

Naalala ko lang, ang gusto kong bahay parang yung beach house nila Nathan sa One Tree Hill, malaki, tapos nasa shore talaga ata yun. Meron pang parang bridge.

So bukod pa nga sa beach house, gusto ko rin ng loft sa city. Pero actually baka nga okay na rin yung beach house talaga. kasi kung mayaman naman ako, naturally may car na rin ako at supposedly marunong na ako mag-drive by that time. Kaya kung may work man ako sa city, or basta lang kung gusto ko sa siyudad, pwede nang mag-travel na lang ako. Or pwede na rin naman siguro na mag-work sa downtown area, kasi halimbawa yung sa Long Beach bandang downtown yung dagat, so malapit lang rin naman.

Basta, the point is, gusto ko ng bahay sa dagat. Bahay ko. Na puro glass panel. Siguro.

All of a sudden I miss everyone

There's a big difference between being someone's friend and someone being your friend. You don't always have to be both. It is ideal though. But people do not necessarily have to be mutual friends.

I first realized this in One Tree Hill. Brooke and Peyton were fighting, and Peyton mentioned that even though Brooke's not her friend anymore, she's (Peyton's) still hers.

And being the loading person that I am, it really took me a while to process all that. In a way that, even though I understood what she said, I thought about it for so looong. Cause I really didn't realize it before. That a person doesn't have to be your friend just because you're her friend. You could do things for her cause you're such a great friend and she could just completely ignore you. I was so simple-minded then that I didn't even think about it before. That people aren't just friends or enemies. I do know that not everything is binary. And I am such a firm believer of that - the world isn't just black and white.

That said, all of a sudden I miss my friends; not just those who I'm a friend of, but those who were always there for me, even when I wasn't, or am not. I'm really bad at keeping in touch. I don't usually talk with the people I know, even if they're close friends whom I've known for several years. I'm really bad at conversations, cause I don't really speak much, but I listen. And so I miss every single one of those who is still a friend to me even if I've been a bad friend. I miss those who I know miss me too.

I'll try to mention all their names but I really might forget someone. Though if the person really is my friend then I doubt I'll forget to mention the name.

Si Bea na almost lagi, kung hinde man talaga lagi, kong tinetext or kung anumang paraan para lang makausap, kung meron akong topak, or na-discover, or bagong gusto, or ayaw, or whatever. We're so different in a lot of ways, as in a lot. Pero oh well marami naman sa list na eto ang super iba sa 'kin and yet we click. Anyway, kahit na ilang beses ko ata siya na-disappoint, or talagang naging bad friend ako, forever siyang andiyan.

Si Paul Martin na una ko atang close friend sa college - kasabay pag-uwi, kung kumain, pagpunta sa klase, pati nga sa CR eh, pero magkaiba syempre, at hanggang labas lang. Siya ang talagang super saya kasama, kung wala kaming topak pareho. Pero naisip ko talaga na kung hinde kami magka-batch sa course ay tiyak hinde ko siya magiging ganun kalapit na friend kahit pa nakilala ko siya.

Si Sarah Tol na isa sa dalawang una kong nakilala sa college. Tahimik pa siya nung una, hinde pa halatang mataray at maldita. Masipag din siya mag-text, kasi tandang-tanda ko magkaiba pa ang cell network namin noon pero nagkakatext pa rin kami since pareho kaming bago.

Si Mimi na kumpara sa mga nauna kong i-mention ay mas katulad ko. Pareho kaming tahimik lang, passive, mahiyain minsan at mga labas sa gulo. Parang andaming bagay na gusto ko or alam ko na siya lang talaga yung nakaka-gets, tulad ng mga lumang palabas, or movie or basta something na kami lang nagkakaintindihan.

(dahil medyo kailangan ko na matulog ay isho-shortcut ko na lang siguro ang mga iba)

Si Janelle at Victoria na kahit kailan ko na lang talaga nakasama at naging ka-close ay feeling ko pa rin super friends ko sila. Kasi nga kahit feeling ko ang sama sama kong friend dahil parang alam ko sa sarili ko na hinde nila ako laging maaasahan, sila parang andiyan lang lagi.

Si Erol na kahit inaaway ako forever, ay medyo may mga nahihita pa rin naman ata ako sa kanya. At halerrr flaterring na rin no dahil tuwang tuwa siya masyado sa 'kin, ang lungkot siguro ng buhay niya kung wala ako. Haha, yes I'm flattering myself.

Waaaw humahaba ang list, so pwede bang yung iba wala na lang explanation, pero hinde ibigsabihin nun na they're less important, sadyang kailangan lang matulog.

Dahil baka hinde ko masabi lahat ng pangalan, at malamang nga hinde, ang buong AnthroSoc, na major ko nung 3rd year, second sem. Haha, BA Org ako that time eh. Pati na rin yung batchmates ko na supposedly kasama ko nung field, or rather ako yung dapat pala kasama. But oh well.

Pati na rin pala sina Arianne, Princess, Judy, Kat at AM.

Si Iyin, na kaka-text lang para sabihing nauna ako maging registered voter. Oo kaya, bago ako umalis nilakad ko talaga yun haha. Super takbuhan ko rin siya kapag may topak ako. Sina Paula, Dei at Pauline, na nagbabalak din mag-flood ng inbox ng cell ko, na kahit hinde ko masyado nakakausap or nakukuwentuhan, ay nagkukuwento pa rin sa 'kin. At tandang-tanda ko pa yung sinabi ko nung debut ni Paula, na kahit ang dalas namin hinde magkaintindihan sa mga mababaw na bagay, kapag iba na ang usapan, we get each other. At espesyal mensyon talaga eto, namiss kita Paula, seryoso.

Sina A, A, A, B, C, D, J, na kasama ko nung Valentine's. Salamat pa rin para dun. Tsaka tulad nga ng sabi ko about sa iba, kahit hinde ako nagpaparamdam, andiyan pa rin sila, lalo pa't andami ko atang atraso sa kanila. Sila na siguro ang mga pinakamatagal kong nakasama.

Si Regine at Pud na hindeng hinde ko malilimutan, at ang mga una kong itetext pag may galaan.

A friendship isn't simple, but it's also not so complex that it necessarily takes time. A person you've just met for a few hours can be your best friend in a day or a week; Consequently, a person you've known since childhood could be just an acquaintance for you even after all those years. Friendship is just is.




...S

We change, we wait

sooo... May 30th, 2009 marked my 100th day here.

...And yes I'm stil here. Alive. And breathing

...and happy.

I guess.


Hmm so let's see kung ano ba ang mga nalaman ko sa isang daang araw na tinagal ko dito.

Una, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. True, lumang kasabihan na siya diba. At grabe sobrang nag-aapply siya sa 'kin. Minsan nga lang nakakalimutan ko na.

Pangalawa, friendly lang talaga ang mga tao, wag maging feelingera. Kapag sinabihan ka ng "How you doin?" or "How are you" or kahit simpleng "Hi!" or ngiti lang, wag kang OA. Normal lang yun, mahilig sa small talk ang people so hinde ibigsabihin na porke kinausap ka ay kikidnapin ka na or gusto ka.

Pangatlo, a car is not a luxury, it's a necessity. Hinde tulad sa Pilipinas na kung may isang kotse ka man lang ay medyo may kaya ka na, dito kapag dalawa or tatlo pa ang kotse mo ay normal pa rin yun. Mahalaga talaga siya. Kaya totoo yung sa tv and movies diba na kahit bata pa lang parang binibigyan na talaga ng kotse at tinuturuan talaga mag-drive sa mga school. Kasi nga kailangan talaga siya. Although may bus, medyo inconvenient din kasi hinde siya tulad ng jeep na forever meron. Tapos maghihintay ka talaga. Okay kasi may schedule, pero kapag naiwan ka or naunahan mo, malas mo.

Pang-apat, clean after yourself. Sa mga fastfood or food court, ikaw ang nagliligpit ng mga napagkainan mo. Hinde porke may crew ay sila ang magtatapon ng mga nakainan mo. So bago ka umalis ililigpit mo talaga yun.

Pang-lima, grabe kaya siguro anlalaki ng mga tao dito ay sedentary kasi masyado mga lifestyle nila. Puro siguro sila TV. kasi paano ba naman andameeeng channels!!! Basta grabe lang talaga.


Hmm so may bagong song sa featured. Finally! Kasi isa si Citizen Cope sa mga bago kong fave artists. Along with Kate Voegele, Lenka, Blue Judy and kung sino pa man. At tuwang tuwa ako nung nakita ko yung song, kasi parang alam mo yung mga moment na may makikita or maririnig ka na kanta, tapos masasabi mo na lang na parang super song mo yun!? Kahit hinde song ng buhay mo. Pero pwedeng song lang ng araw mo. Yun yung kantang iyon para sa 'kin. So pakinggan mo ah! Pero favorite ko pa rin yung Son's Gonna Rise by the same artist kaya hanapin mo rin yun at pakinggan! =)

Oh well yun na muna. Pag sinipag ulit ako, maybe i'll share my job hunting stories...

Might have been

Hmm ang sabi ko dati sa next blog ko ikukuwento ko ata ang storya ng pagpili ko sa kanta ni Miley Cyrus na fineature ko. Pero tinatamad na ako eh, so oh well. At blog ko eto so halerrr.

Grabe yung monster sa tiyan ko ngumangawa na. As in seriously, ang ingay niya talaga. Ingay na gutom ah, hinde yung ibang ingay haha.

Pumunta kaming San Diego nung weekend, nag-bus lang, at ako naman si walang social life, natuwa sa katabi kong guy. porenger teh! Haha caucasian. Friendly kasi. Bilang siya yung nasa window seat tinanong pa niya ko kung okay lang naka-open yung curtain, tapos nag-offer pa siya ng gum. Nangchika pa siya ng something tungkol sa RedBull blah blah, na later on nalaman ko may parang plane show something, nakalimutan ko yung tawag, basta sa mga airplane. Haha feeling ko pa para akong tuod nung una, inisip ko tuloy iniisip niya hinde ako nakakaintindi ng english haha, oh well. Mahiyain kasi kaya ako. Well buti hinde ako topak moment nun kaya nice naman ako. Nag-bye pa nga ako eh, tapos pareho lang pala kami ng stop. Haha nakakatawa kasi naka-iPod din siya, pinipilit ko pa marinig yung tugtog na pinapakinggan niya, hinde ko ma-figure out. Pero basta parang dance-y yung music niya. Nung una pa pala tulog lang kasi siya, pero parang nasusulyapan ko may itsura, and true enough, meron naman nga. =P haha at medyo winiwish ko pa na sana makasabay din namin pauwi. =P

Anyway, next week babalik ulit kami San Diego, mga less than a week kami magsstay dun, para igala ng pinsan. Iniisip ko na talaga mas gusto ko mag-stay dun, kasi parang mas city-ish. Tuwang tuwa pa ako nung nakakita ako ng Hard Rock Cafe at House of Blues. Sabi ko kasi talaga before ako pumunta dito na parang perk ng pag-stay ko dito ay yung makanuod ng bands. Well sa ngayon hinde ko pa nafufulfill yun, so sana lang kung dun man ako mgstay eh matupad na.

Writer's Block: You don't know me

From Livejournal

Our friends don't always know us as well as they think, particularly when it comes to likes and dislikes. Which popular book, movie, band, food, TV show, etc. would your friends be surprised to hear that you don't like?

Hmm wala pa ako maisip na magugulat sila na ayoko, pero ang naiisip ko ay yung baka magulat sila na gusto ko.

Haha hinde ko ayaw si Miley Cyrus. Pero for the sake na may maisagot dito, sige gusto ko na rin siya ngayon.

Naalala ko nung one time na nag-videoke kami kina Clarisse. At oo nga pala siya ayaw niya kay Miler Cyrus, kasi nakita ko sa Facebook niya kasama yun sa gusto niyang suntukin eh. Anyway, haha ayun nga kumanta kami ni Angelique ng 7 Things. That time kasi yung kantang yun lang ang gusto ko, siya hinde naman. Mas gusto ko pa nun si Demi Lovato tsaka si Selena Gomez kung Disney stars lang rin ang usapan. Pero ngayon gusto ko na si Miley Cyrus. AT seryoso nanunuod kaya ako ng Hannah Montana, kahit dati pa naman. Haha basta hinde ko siya ayaw eh.

Tapos pa eh diba may movie yung Hannah Montana, one time manunuod kami ng sine tapos iniisip kung aling movie. Ang mga palabas nung time na yun ay Fast and Furious, Monsters VS. Aliens, Dragonball: Evolution, at ten-tenenen-tenen! Hannah Montana.

Sabi nung pinsan ko na manlilibre sa amin ng sine nung tinanong ko kung anung gusto niyang panoorin,

"Kayo na bahala, kung gusto niyo pa Hannah Montana eh!"

At ang ate ko naman bilang alam na gusto ko si Hannah Montana at nang-aasar eh sinabi nga sa pinsan ko na okay lang sa 'kin yun. Haha at syempre tawa naman si pinsan at hinde makapaniwalang gusto ko si Hannah Montana. Pero seryoso, kung ako lang talaga gusto ko kaya panoorin yun. Andun pa si Taylor Swift. Tsaka gusto ko rin si Emily Osment eh.

Tapos pa nung pumunta kami ulit ng Hollywood, meron dun malaking billboard si Hannah Montana dahil nga dun sa movie. Eh bilang wala kami magawa eh pinicture-an ako ng ate ko na background yun.

At sa ngayon wala pa rin akong naiisip na ikagugulat ng friends ko na something popular na hinde ko gusto...

At speaking of Miley Cyrus na rin, time na siguro para palitan ang featured music. So something from her naman... =) Next post siguro sasabihin ko kung bakit yung song na yun...

I forgot to remember to forget

So bilang weekend ngayon, puno na naman ng movies ang telebisyon. Nakakainis din minsan dahil sabay sabay yung mga pelikulang magaganda and lahat sila gusto kong panoorin. Pero syempre hinde pwede kaya kailangan pumili.

Anyway, nabasa ko kasi na sinabi ko pala na maglalaman din eto ng tungkol sa mga movies. So eto ata ang first blog ko na yun ang ikukuwento ko.

Sabado ngayon at tulad ng sabi ko, maraming movies. Kaninang umaga paggising ko binuksan ko agad ang TV. Sumalubong sa 'kin ang The Lake House. Hinde ko siya pinanuod nang buo, kasi may iba pa akong pinapanuod nun pero hinde ko na maalala. Pero gusto ko talaga yung pelikulang yun. Tandang-tanda ko pa na pinanuod ko yun sa sine kasama ang ate at ina ko. Madrama siya. At define love story. Oo na, kahit minsan hinde ako aminado mahilig nga ako sa romantic movies. Gusto ko nga rin ang The Notebook eh, at favorite ko ang Pride and Prejudice.

Balik sa The Lake House. Tandang-tanda ko rin na 2006 siya ipinalabas. First year college na ako nun, first semester pa lang ata kung hinde ako nagkakamali, pero pwede ring second sem na pala. Pero basta natatandaan kong first year yun, kasi nung panahong napanuod ko yun, ay panahon nung almost lover na kinuwento ko dun sa nakaraang blog ko (Choosing my own way of life). Oo na, siya na naman. Pero ngayon wala na kaming komunikasyon. Kasi parang nag-rest ako for a while sa world wide web. Matagal-tagal rin akong hinde tumatambay, na tipong kahit wala naman ako ginagawa, gusto ko lang naka-online, may hinihintay minsan. Pero nitong mga nakaraang linggo hinde na talaga kasi nakakatamaran ko na. Napapagod na akong magpaka-bum.

Hinde ko na maalala kung paano na-bring up yung topic na yun less than 3 years ago. Basta magkausap kami sa telepono at napunta kami sa The Lake House. Sabi niya napanuod na rin niya, tapos maganda nga raw. Pero mas maganda raw yung pinag-base-han nun, which is ung Il Mare Haaay naku at hinde ko rin malilimutan na sinabi niya nun na bibigyan niya ako ng copy nun para mapanuod ko. Ibibigay raw niya pag nagkita kami. Na hinde na nangyari ever.

Sabi ni Kate sa The Lake House favorite niya yung book na Persuasion ni Jane Austen. Gustung-gusto ko rin yung libro na yun. Sabi niya tungkol raw yun sa paghihintay. Oo nga naman siguro. Kaya happy ending yung novel kasi yung lovers naghintay sa isa't isa. Parang yung sa The Lake House.

Pero paano mo naman malalaman kung hanggang kailan ka maghihintay? Hanggang saan yung dapat mong abutan para masabi mo na tama na, susuko ka na, or kung hinde man, ay kung itutuloy pa?

So siguro na lang hinde mo malalaman. Kahit pa sinabi mo sa sarili mo na "tama na", maaaring pwede pa palang naghintay ka at magbunga na yung paghihintay mo. Pero hinde mo nga malalaman diba kasi sumuko ka na. At kung tinuloy mo man, maaaring mabulok ka na kahihintay lamang sa wala.

Kaya ngayon, sa tuwing mapapanuod ko ang The Lake House, pati na rin ang The Notebook, pero saka na ang kuwentong yun, maaalala ko siya. Siguro nga naghihintay pa rin ako hanggang ngayonn even after all these years. Pero oh well, ganun naman talaga minsan diba. Gumagawa ka ng mga bagay na hinde mo alam kung anung kadahilanan. Minsan talaga, basta lang.

Somewhere a clock is ticking

Grabe lang, super bilis ng araw. Lalo na wala naman ako ginagawa so medyo dapat ata mabagal ang oras diba!? oh well. So isang araw na lang at May na, at isang buwan na lang ay June na. At sa ngayon wala pa rin akong direksyon.

Option 1: Babalik ako for first sem, or kung second sem man, tapos tatapusin ko course ko at magtatrabaho. Hinde na ako aalis ever.

Option 2: Magsstay ako at magtatrabaho, magpapayaman since yun na lang ata ang mahalaga sa mundo, tapos mag-aaral para may matapos.


Hinde talaga ako mabuting estudyante. Hinde ko gusto ang pag-aaral. Mula pa nung 3rd year high school ako gustung-gusto ko na mag-stop. Para kasi sa 'kin hinde talaga yun lang ang magbibigay sa'yo ng maganda future. Oo, agree naman ako na makakatulong yun at mas malaki ang chance for a brighter future pero para nga sa 'kin hinde siya ganun kahalaga. Pero since bata pa ako wala naman ako laban diba kahit ayaw ko, so grumaduate ako ng high school. Then college na, buti na lang talaga nakapasok ako sa gusto kong pag-aralan kasi kung hinde eh di super hell na talaga ng college skn since hinde ko na nga gusto mag-aral. Pero kahit masaya ako sa pinag-aaralan ko, hinde pa rin ako masaya mag-aral. Ayoko talaga mag-aral. Ilang beses ko na eto na-mention at imemention ko ulit: right after ng debut ni Dei nung 2nd yr college kami narealize ko na naman kung gaano ko ka-gusto huminto sa pag-aaral. That time gusto ko kasi tumugtog na lang ever, or kung anuman basta ganun. Pero bata pa rin ako nun diba and it's not like sinasabi ko talaga out loud, maliban na lang sa ilang friends ko na sinasabihan ko talaga na ayoko na, ang naaalala ko lang nakukwento ko kay Sarah Toledo madalas yung tungkol dun eh.

Then eto na, natutunugan ko na ang pag-alis ko. Actually super delayed na nga, dahil dapat bago pa lang ako mag-college ay naayos na eto at nakaalis na ako, pero since apparently ayaw ko daw dati ay hinde ko inayos yung mga kailangang ayusin like passport at kung ano pa man. So sige lang, nag-college na nga ako. At syempre na-delay na naman nang na-delay kasi hinde ako makakuha ng passport dahil andaming extra requirements pag under 18. So sabi ko pag na lang 18 na ako since malapit na yun that time. So nung nag-18 ako kumuha na ako ng passport and inayos na ang mga bagay-bagay. First sem ng third year ko nung malaman ko na sure na sure na sure na talaga. Ako naman si go lang, kasi nga ganun lang kadali para sa 'kin tumigil sa pag-aaral dahil parang antagal ko na siyang tinitiis lang.

Pero gayunpaman, bata pa rin ako hanggang ngayon (well that is, ayon sa mga tao sa paligid), so hinde pa rin ako makapag-decide kung ano na nga ang future ko. Sabi ko hinde importante na may degree ka, at hanggang ngayon yun pa rin ang paniniwala ko, pero para sa ibang tao hinde. Naiisip ko rin naman yun na balang araw magsisisi ako na wala ako mahanap na trabahong maganda dahil wala naman akong natapos. Pero sa palagay ko kahit magtagal pa eh pwede pa rin ako bumalik sa pag-aaral. Syempre hinde naman ako super sure at hinde rin siguro ako tama pero yun pa rin ang tingin ko. Na kahit ilang years pa, kung gusto ko talaga makatapos, magagawa ko. Pero sa ngayon, as in yung sitwasyon ko ngayon at yung mga opportunities na maaaring mag-open sa akin ngayon, hinde siguradong andiyan sila forever.

So actually ang desisyon ko naman talaga ata ay yung Option 2, kaya lang minsan pag tinotopak ako napupunta sa Option 1. Seryoso, may Multiple Personality Disorder na ata ako, actually ang alam ko may nagsabi na rin sa 'kin niyan dati eh. Oh well tama nga ata siya.

Hinde ko naman ayaw ang Anthro eh, kaso lang wala kasi akong ibang gusto. Ang problema pa ay iba naman ang anthro na tinuturo sa amin at ang anthro sa ibang bansa, lalo pa kung sa pinag-aaralan ko na super patriotic diba. At walang masama dun. Ang ibig ko lang sbhn ay wala akong future sa Anthro sa ibang bansa since iba nga yung mga focus nila and tiyak na kakailanganin ko pa ng higher degree para magtrabaho sa field na yun. Eh ang akin nga, kung hinde naman ako magtatrabaho dun sa industry na pinag-aralan ko eh bakit ko pa tatapusin lalo pa kung ayoko na nga mag-aral...

Ang saklap pa kasi hinde nga ako nakasabay sa field school ng batch ko, ang saklap saklap lang talaga. Ang galing galing ko tumiming, so kaya nga mas lalong parang nakakatamad na ituloy... :o

Haaay oh well pero sa ngayon wala pa rin talagang concrete plans. Bahala na lang muna talaga. Sana na lang hinde ako magka-swine flu. At syempre kayo rin mag-ingat.

Oversensitive

Haaay naku, long time no post. Sabi ko pa naman dito ako ever magrarant para hinde ako naststress at bigla na lang sasabog minsan.Eh kaso tinatamad naman ako minsan, or kapag gusto ko na medyo hinde pwede. Oh well. Since ngayon ay ginagawa ko na rin lang eto at medyo wala pa rin ako maisip or magustuhang sabihin ay tungkol na lang sa bagong featured song.

Dangerous and Sweet. Song ni Lenka. Tandang tanda ko pa na si Clarisse yung nagpakilala sa 'kin kay Lenka. Gustung-gusto niya yung Don't Let Me Fall tsaka Knock Knock. So syempre ako naman si download ng songs niya. Well tapos bigla ko na lang narealize na na-meet ko na pala si Lenka. Thru Blue Judy. Kasi featured siya dun sa All The Things You Know na super favorite ko. Narinig ko yung kanta sa isang episode ng One Tree Hill so dinownload ko, tapos nalaro ko rin siya sa JamLegend. Haha katuwa nga eh. Anyway, so yun ang history ng pagkakakilala ko kay Lenka.

So balik naman sa kanta, nung pinapakinggan ko yung mga songs niya after ko madownload ang parang tumatak talaga sa 'kin ay etong kantang eto. Yung Dangerous and Sweet nga. Kasi ewan ko, basta natuwa ako. Sa tunog tsaka yung boses niya. Ako kasi mas naririnig ko talaga yung music kaysa yung lyrics. Super hinde ngpoprocess sa 'kin yung lyrics, parang hinde ko naririnig. Unless na lang super pinaulit-ulit ko na yung kanta at halos mamemorize ko na. Pero yung parang nagmamake ng good first impression talaga or something sa 'kin ay yung music. so parang kahit bano yung lyrics at nonsense pero maganda yung tunog baka magustuhan ko na rin.

So ayun nga natuwa talaga ako dun sa kanta. Eh feeling ko pa applicable siya sa 'kin ngayon. Kasi oversensitive ako ngayon. in a bad way. Hinde yung oversensitive na tinuturo dati sa Christian Living. so panget diba. Haaay naku parang lahat na lang tuloy ng tao inaaway ko. Weel actually hinde ata parang, totoo nga siguro. Ayoko kasi talaga na pinapakialaman ako. Tapos ang trato pa ay parang 10 years old lang ako. Halerrr maliit lang ako ang payat and fine isip bata pero ilang taon na ako. At tsaka kung bata man ako umarte ay dahil yun sa pagtrato sa 'kin na parang bata. Oo sinisisi ko talaga yung tao sa paligid, syempre para skn hinde ako ang may kasalanan.

Oh well so ganyan ako ngayon, galit sa mundo.

Well it's dangerous and sweet
Cut us and we bleed

Story in a Dream

Yung title ay isang song ng Steel Train. Nakikinig kasi ako at nagsasagot ng quiz. Tapos akala ko si Ewan McGregor yung kumakanta kasi ang last song na nakita ko ay yung sa Moulin Rouge, eh tapos narealize ko parang iba so tiningnan ko. Tapos yun na nga, grabe lang natuwa ako masyado nung narinig ko haha basta kakaiba lang. So ngayon puro Steel Train na muna ang tugtog para marinig ko pa yung ibang songs. Paano ba naman sa dami ng music sa laptop ko siguro kalahati mga once ko pa lang napakinggan.




Friday na naman, grabe ang bilis ng araw, super lang. Nagluto kami ng pasta today. Para naman sana hinde na mangungulit na magluto kami. Eh hinde naman talaga ako mahilig magluto. Siguro kaya ko kung gugustuhin ko kaya lang ayaw ko talaga. For that hinde talaga ako pwede mag-asawa no, duh.

Choosing my own way of life

Wooow sumesecond post. Super akala ko hinde ko na eto ma-uupdate kasi medyo tinatamad ako and hinde ako makatiyempo sa paggawa ng blog. Oh well. Today's Wednesday. Wednesday is freedom day, kasi this day ang first day sa week na walang bantay. And walang bantay is happiness. Tsaka kapag gantong araw nakakagala. Although limited ang gala dahil hinde pa makapag-transpo, at least may gala pa rin.

Pero today is different, kasi baka dalhin kami sa mall later at turuan mag-bus so hinde kami lumabas this morning. And besides, late na rin bumangon dahil naaliw na sa paglalaro ng Guess the Sketch. Haha, at medyo binubuhay ko na ulit ang restaurant ko sa Restaurant City, at medyo na rin ang band ko sa Rock Legends.

Speaking of bands, grabe lang namimiss ko na ang pagtugtog. Dati nung sa bahay lang ako at hinde naglalalabas at nagpapakita sa mga tao namimiss ko magbanda at tumugtog sa kung saan saan kaya ginagawa ko nun tumutugtog lang alone. Super gusto ko talaga tumugtog, grabe lang. Hinding hinde ko talaga malilimutan yung debut ni Dei kasi nung tumugtog kami dun tuwang tuwa talaga ako, tapos the next day parang naisip ko talaga ayoko na mag-aral at pumasok kasi gusto ko na lang tumugtog ever. As in yun yung moment na pumasok sa utak ko yun, na gusto ko ng career sa music, na kahit hinde performer dahil gusto ko rin matutunan yung behind the scenes. Alam ko hinde ako super bihasa, ni hinde nga ako medyo bihasa, pero gusto ko talaga gumaling. Eh kaso ngayon wala akong instrumento so hanggang iTunes lang. Grabe lang, andami kong dinodowload.

At speaking of downloads, naisip ko ulit magdownload ng songs ni A Fine Frenzy (Alison Sudol) so hanap ako, and may nakita akong Almost Lover (Remix). Eh super gusto ko yun tapos ang cool naman kung may remix so dinownload ko, tapos pinakinggan ko. Ang cool lang talaga grabe, at syempre upload din sa Multiply site ko. At for that yun na rin ang bagong featured music dito. =)

So speaking of Almost Lover naman, yung almost lover ko buhay pa rin, parang tanga lang. As if naman kailangan at gusto kong malaman na masaya siya sa piling ng babae niya. Halerrr, grabe lang ah, parang ilang buwan or baka wala pa nakalipas na lungkut-lungkutan siya sa break-up nila ng some girl (na pramis kamukha ng sister ko), tapos ngayon may bagong girlaloo na siya, at highschool pa lang. Whatever. Hinde ako bitter, gago lang kasi talaga siya.

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

Grabe, super gusto ko na yung original version, pero nakakatuwa talaga eto, kasi mas matunog. Ganda talaga!

It's not always rainbows and butterflies

First post! So syempre kailangan may tugtog. Grabe ten years ko atang inasikaso eto para lang ma-figure out kung paano ilagay yung tugtog. gusto ko kasi yung player na for one song lang tapos yung ako ang mag-uupload so maarte talaga ako. Hanggang sa medyo sumuko na ako at nagtiyaga na lang sa per post maglalagay. Pero pag na-figure out ko talaga yung pwede ilagay sa sidebar ay dun na lang para magtagal naman yung tugtog. Ang balak ko kasi, like sa facebook ko, every week magpapalit ng song. Eh kung per post lang kasi medyo makakalimutan na yun diba.

At dahil first post nga eto ay syempre espesyal ang awitin. Kung kaibigan kita alam na alam mong yan ang favorite song ko. Kahit nga ata hinde ko kaibigan alam yun, kasi super ikinakalat ko talaga na fave song ko yun, ewan ko, wala lang naman, epal lang. Anyway, hinde ko rin ata alam kung bakit patay na patay ako sa kantang yan, lalo yung video. pero basta, ganun eh. Ang storya actually nito talaga kaya sakto rin sa first post ay yung pangalan ng site ko. ay ung url pala. or pangalan ko nga pala. shelly beloved. She will be loved. Oh basta dun nanggaling yun, may sense diba?! Shet ang gulo ko,haha oh well yun ang point ng blog na eto, so at least nafufulfill niya ang duty niya.

Dahil gaya gaya talaga ako, yung concept na yan, na every week mag-uupload ng song, ay napulot ko kay William Becket. Kung kilala mo siya ay medyo gusto na kita kasi I guess kung hate or like or love mo man siya, meron pa rin tayong pinagkapareho kasi kilala mo siya. (labo...) Tapos gaya gaya nga ako diba, pero yun lang talaga ang medyo dahilan kaya ko gusto mag-blog, para sa kanta. Pero nga kasama na rin ang ka-active-an ng friend kong si C sa kanyang bonggang bonggang blog na Mga Takitaki ng Isang Paslit atsyempre kunwari na rin pinilit niya ako, which is medyo totoo naman kaya... =P

Oh well, tingin ko ang haba na nito dahil napapagod na ata ako, so eto na ang pagtatapos ng unang post na ito.

2:15 AM na nga pala sa kung nasaan ako, grabe no. Super nag-ten years talaga ako sa pag setup nito, grabe lang. Oh well dahil lang talaga sa tugtog kaya nagtagal, parang ewan lang. Ang OC. Speaking of OC, kakagaling ko lang ng OC. =) pero next time na ang chikang yun.


...grabe so ngayon 2:55 na, hinde pa rin ako nag-succeed sa music player kasi hinde siya na-embed. so ginaya ko na lang muna yung kay C. Haaay naku dapat ma-figure out ko yung gusto ko mangyari. Gusto ko kasi talaga yung ako ang mag-uupload eh, kasi wala lang. basta lang maarte talaga ako.

Grabe lang, antok na ko. anung petsa na.