The Desperate Kingdom of Love

"Study first before you enter the kingdom of Love" -Melay. PBB

“One thing I’ve learned, that in the face of true love, you don’t just give up. Even if the object of your affection is begging you to.” - Chuck Bass. GG


Those were just some of the words I've read this week which truly hit a nerve.


Funny how some people experience the same kinds of things at the same time. Hence, the title of this post. As of this writing, I have talked to one, two... five people who are kind of  having the same situation right now.

I, however, am trying to get away from that place. Not because I want to, but I have to. Too many people have already told me to move on. And I've told myself that too plenty of times. It's just that I haven't had the will to do it yet. But a friend said, "Take chances. But know when to stop." And I remember another friend telling a friend, "Iba ang binibigyan ng chance sa pinipilit na lang." Sometimes I think that that's exactly what I've been doing. I force myself to believe that there are certain things to do with me, which somehow has to do with him as well. For one thing, how his ex-girlfriend looks so much like one of my sisters. I kept thinking that Fate was bringing us together. Especially how after three years of no communication, we find each other again. Well, I found him. But still, for me it was Fate. Yes, cheesy much. But that's really what I think. Or well, I should say thought. But honestly, no matter how much people would tell me that it's not true, I still believe it. But now I also believe that I should not be throwing myself at him. And as some people have said, if he really wanted to talk me then he would. And I believe that now, cause he's had lots of chances. And he hasn't really done anything about it. None that I notice, at least. So now I think I really am ready for the Acceptance stage. I've been watching As Told By Ginger episodes and I think it has helped me realize that sometimes you really have to let go of things that matter to you, or things you believe in, in order to find yourself and find new things that would matter to you, and to gain new perspective.

According to a Dove Promises Message, "You will not discover new oceans until you've had the courage to leave the shore."

I'm not completely closing that chapter however, like I said, I still believe. I would just not be doing some crazy, stupid things anymore.

Splinter in my heart

It's kind of sad really
Guess I'm the sort who'll linger
When the credits roll
I still can't leave a picture
The picture I hold
In my heart

It makes me mad really
Wish I could blame a twister
Or a hurricane,
Or my pesky sister
Wish I could blame away this feeling
In my heart

There's reasons left to fight
There's you to kiss good night
Hold on
Hold on tight


from As Told By Ginger

It gets the worst at night

Hinde ka na umaasa pero parang gusto mo pa rin maghintay.


I don't remember where I heard it from or who said it, but that sentence explains in just so many words how I am feeling right now.

With arms outstretched

People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to

People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me


*Lyrics from Taylor Swift's Breathe


It really is 2 AM.
And I'm waiting for you.

I just said to someone earlier how fairy tales kind of tell girls that the only way that we'll be happy is when we meet our princes - which isn't really a good thing.

And yet here I am, waiting for mine.


I still believe that women don't need men to complete themselves, and the same goes for men. Some people grow old without a significant other, and they're okay with that. They still lead happy lives. They devote their love not to their husbands or wives, but to other people, maybe family or friends, and maybe their dreams or whatever.


And as usual, I don't exactly do the things I preach.

I just can't figure out how one person can have this certain effect on me. Someone I've never even really met. Someone that I don't exactly know. Although I tell myself that I do. He doesn't know it, but I know that I know him. I don't know his favorite color, his middle name or things like that, but I just have that feeling that I know him. Like how he is, or how he behaves, or the way he thinks.

Well actually, maybe not the way he thinks. For some reason, he keeps sending me offline messages in Y!M. I don't even know if it's a group message or just for me. It's just really short ones like 'hi', 'hey' or happy and frowny faces. And recently a quote from (500) Days of Summer, which by the way I haven't even watched yet. But I really, really wanted to. Sadly during the time that it was in theaters, we don't really get out much. Anyway... I don't know what to think of these messages. I wouldn't like to think much of it, cause sometimes I message him when he's online and he doesn't reply. During the times that he does reply, our conversations go nowhere.

I really take a long time to move on. The first time this kind of thing happened I was 15. It took me a year to get over the guy. I thought that was long already. And yet here I am three years later still hoping for the same guy. Well, not that first guy, but the main guy, who by the way was the reason I got over the first guy.

I wouldn't normally blog about this 'cause it's not just me. I don't usually pour out my feelings to friends, let alone in my blog. It seems weird telling myself what I'll write. But this has been going on too long already and I just had to vent.


...And still "Breathe" is playing repeatedly.

The wind that blew my heart away

Fall is here
Fall is here
It's my favorite time of year


Well, my new favorite season. It's just my first time after all to experience fall. Just got that song from Rugrats' Angelica.

Apparently the weather starts to get cold early in the fall. However, there are still some sunny days from where I am now. From what I have read, this place usually experiences extreme climate. Good luck during winter season then. It's just mid October and I'm really, really cold. Not to mention that it has been raining all day for about two days already. My aunt says that during winter the temperature even reaches below zero degrees. Hello layers. Layers, layers, layers.

By the way, if you didn't know already, I'm no longer in California. Hallo East Coast, Hello DC. Rode the subway two weeks ago. I remembered how I rode the LRT everyday to get to school.

Speaking of school, my batch mates are going to be graduating soon, some of them already finishing this October. I'm really happy for them, but I still can't help thinking that sadly I won't graduate with them. I want to see them when they march though. *Crossing fingers*