I'm not in love with him.

I love him.

I'm way past the infatuation now.

Everyday is a Sunday evening

Just a few more inches away from the finish line.

It sounds so weird, or actually not weird, but something... But anyway that's how it feels.

A few more inches and I would have moved on.

But for some reason, it's like there's something that's holding me back. Trying to slow my pace so that I'm not able to move on. Okay, this sounds so cheesy or whatever, but it's like I can see the finish line already, and like I said a few inches away, but still I don't reach it. Cause maybe I don't want to? That maybe, the 'something' that's holding me back is just me.


And another problem that I have is how easily I let what other people say affect me. I care too much about what people think, that I let it control me. Or I let something that someone says too seriously even though it's really nothing.

Oh well, I want a massage.

What comes after the blues

Oh my god. I just blogged last night about how bummed I was. And now, I'm just sooooo happy. Which is great. I love 11:11. I really do.

My wish came true.
I know it wasn't a long shot at all.
I know it must have been a coincidence.

But still, I'd call it fate.


It happened, it really, really, really happened.


And though it happened so quick, just the memory, and how it happened, and when it happened, makes all the difference.

The Lonesome Road

The days are starting to get difficult again. It's getting much harder to wake up in the mornings, to be able to eat and actually do something. This is why I enjoy working, 'cause it keeps me busy, awake and always on my feet. But now that I only have one job, and have been working fewer hours, I have a lot more time on my hands. Time that I often choose to waste. Just cause I choose to do nothing, saying I'm too tired and all. I enjoy may days off, but they've become days which are really unproductive. And I knew that it was gonna be like that way before I had a lot of days off. When I only had Mondays off, it was fine, 'cause I do need at least a day's rest. But now that I have three days a week off, it's just not good for me. See, time off isn't so good for me as I get used to it so much, and I end up being lazy. Especially since it's two days straight. If it were like a day at a time, maybe it would be better. Still, I cannot know for sure, but maybe.

I want to work, I really, really do. If not, I want to study. Although I still haven't figured that out yet. But I do know that I want to go back to school. Which brings us back to work, since I have to earn more money to be able to actually pay for school. Though everyone tells me to just get financial aid, I just don't think I can handle it. I don't do well with expectations.

And I still can't stop thinking about what happened Saturday. I remember this line from He's Just Not That Into You, something Justin Long's character said. I'm not so sure of the exact words, but it went something like, If a guy really likes you then he'll do everything he can to be with you. That really hit a nerve, the first time I heard that, and I constantly remember that line. So now, that's what I really want to believe in. No assumptions, no expectations. Just that. I'm trying not to think that there's more to something, especially if there's not.

And yet here I am going down this path again.

I've been here so many times, it's insane.

Apparently I never learn, or I mean I never change.


And I can't help it, that's just the way I was programmed.

Every night is another story

I'm happy today.

That's all.


I just don't want to forget this night/day. :)

How a resurrection really feels

It's now April...

Spring has come...

The cherry blossoms are blooming, the sun's shining and tourists have arrived, and left...


And oh, my sister and I just moved out from our aunt's place.

We've been planning it for weeks, and now it's finally happened.

Last week was such a looooooooooooong week!

Monday: Searched for Room for Rent ads in newspapers,craigslist, metro roommates, etc.

Tuesday: Didn't go to the theatre, and again looked for ads, called some people; planned to see some houses

Wednesday: Had an interview for the temp agency; Went to see two houses

Thursday: Went to the theatre; called some people; planned itinerary for the next day

Friday (now this is the loooooooooooooooong (and fun) day):

7:30-Woke up, took a bath, got dressed, brushed teeth (didn't eat any breakfast)
8:20- Went to the slug line, waited for a car to take us to the Metro
8:50- Got to the Metro, Rode the train to College Park, MD
9:20- Got off the Metro, Went to the wrong exit; Called the girl who's staying in the housing we were going to; Went to the right exit; Went the way that wasn't towards the house; Went back other way.
10:00- Reached the house; Toured the house; Liked the house; And the area reminds me of UP Diliman
10:30- Walked to the Metro; Rode the train to Shady Grove
11:40- Rode the bus to the house; Went past the house, got off the bus, walked back towards the house
11:55- Got to the house; Toured the house; Loved the room!
12:26- Rode the bus towards the Metro
12:40- Got to the Metro, took the train to Clarendon
1:45- Got to Clarendon; Went to restaurant for interview
2:00- Had the interview; Got hired (Yaaay!) then went to the Metro to go home
3:20- Rode the bus to home
3:40- Got home, Did some laundry, Brought up suitcases from basement, Looked for place to spend the weekend until Tuesday.
4:00- Fixed the doorknob
5:00- Found place to stay
6:00- Packed clothes, keyboard, and other stuff
9:30- Taxi arrived, went to hotel
11:00- Got to hotel; checked in
11:40- Got to the room; ate; watched some TV
1:00 (or later)- Finally slept

Saturday:
7:30- Got up; took a bath
8:40- Went for breakfast
9:50- Keys to Creativity doorhanger distribution
12:30- Ate lunch
2:00- Went back to hotel; Got dressed
3:00- Took the shuttle to Metro
4:00- Started training at restaurant
8:30- Left restaurant
9:30- Got to Pentagon City
10:10- Took the shuttle back to hotel
10:40- Ate dinner
2:00- Slept

Sunday
7:30- Got up, took a bath
9:20- Went for breakfast
10:00- Took shuttle to Metro
10:45- Got to Clarendon; Went to Barnes and Noble
11:20- Went to restaurant for 2nd day of training
3:00- Left restaurant
4:10- Took shuttle back to hotel
5:00- Ate lunch, packed stuff that we're bringing to new place
7:00- Took shuttle to Metro
7:45- Got to Van Dorn Metro
8:15- Got to apartment, which is really nice.
8:30- Left apartment, walked to Metro
9:00- Took train to Pentagon City
9:20- Went to bank, Went to grocery
10:10- Took shuttle back to hotel
10:30- Got to hotel, ate, used computer, watched TV
1:00- Ate, Slept, Ate, Slept


And now here we are...

Seriously, we did a lot more during that week than we ever did during the whole year.

And it was even during the holy week.


Oh well anyway, here's to a new house, two new jobs, and a richer life!

Ashes of dreams you let die

I've never really had an ambition.

I remember when I was in elementary I kept seeing in autograph books the question, "What is your ambition?"

I remember answering, to be successful, to finish college, to graduate, and at least one time to be a doctor and/or teacher.


But I've never really pursued any of those, 'cause I never really wanted to.

I've had a lot of interests, from sports to music, but nothing that I was really, hopelessly passionate about. I was never really a passionate person. I'm not disciplined and I lack devotion.

I took gymnastics lessons when I was around 6 or 7, with my sisters and cousin (my brother took them too, then switched to swimming), and stopped after 2 or 3 summers. I really liked the sport. I recall my first time to do a trick on the bars, I was so excited, I kept coming and coming back even though it was time to go home. And I was so proud of what I have learned. The next two summers I learned even more, and I really thought I was doing so well. I wanted to be a gymnast.

But then, one summer we just never came back. My brother still did swimming lessons, but in a different facility. My sisters and I wasn't able to continue our lessons. I was really frustrated then 'cause I wanted to be so good at something. And considering my built, I thought it was the perfect sport for me. Well, that or ballet.

I just found out last night why we had to stop. I really thought it was because of the prices, that it was getting too expensive. It turns out that wasn't it. You see, it was summer classes, held during April to May, right around election time.  At least now I won't think I was deprived. Not that I do think that, I'm just over-dramatic.


And then I was in a really musical phase. I distinctly remember that ever since I was in first grade, I asked if I could take piano lessons. I didn't, but still I played with our piano at home even though it was so old and out of tune. I learned to play Do Re Mi. I think my brother taught it to me, we just kind of played with it for a while then got it.

In my first year of Highschool I did take piano lessons, up to the fourth year. And guitar, and voice for a year. But still I never really thought that I was a good musician. I really, really wanted to be a musician, until now. Though somehow I'm sensing that it just isn't for me. Yes, I can play the piano, but I'm not able to play as good as I would like to be. The same goes for the guitar. And I've always liked to sing, but I really don't sing very well. I do know the problem's with me, 'cause I don't practice. Like I said, I'm not disciplined.

So I thought I could still pursue something in the music biz, such as Audio Editing/Production, A&R, something like that . The chance seemed to come when I was able to apply for an internship at a record label in Long Beach. Sadly, it didn't work out. I was offered the internship, but I didn't take it.


I've had lots of opportunities to have an ambition, to find something that I want to succeed in, but I really didn't pursue anything whole-heartedly.


So now I want to chase a dream.


I want to learn to ice skate.

And though this is really just because of the Winter Olympics bug, and envying the athletes, I still want to try it. I've always admired the sports that needed grace; like I said I also wanted to try ballet. I think figure skating's such an elegant sport and I just want to know if I had the potential to do it. I think what piqued my interest was when I read about Amanda Evora, who's a Fil-Am figure skater in the pairs division. She was 5' tall, in her 20's I think, and really petite. And I just thought, if she could do it, why can't I? And the South Korean winner of the figure skating, women's individual, was also very petite. So I thought my body's already built for that sport. I can't dance though, but well, I can't skate either. I really want to learn. I'd even like to try speed skating. I just want to ice skate, and see how it turns out.

I know I'm already 20, and most figure skaters start at a very young age. But I've read some articles and they say that was still okay. You could still learn as an adult. And my goal's not really to reach the Olympics, that  would just be a perk. I just want another try at something. I want another chance to pursue an interest. I want to be brave enough to chase another dream.

So now I'm deliberating whether I'm really willing to spend some money (out of my own pocket) to chase a dream. I'm also hoping that after my first try I can more or less gauge if I still think that I can do it. If not, well at least I got it out of my system. Now, if I thought I had the potential, and others thought that I had the potential, well just more reason to get a job. Although doing it would still need quite a lot of discipline, which hopefully would come to me, if I do want to pursue it.


***I can't believe I said all of those. I've said that I was never really passionate about anything, but since the thought of ice skating came to me, I've just never thought about anything else.


Want to know something funny? Here's my horoscope for the day:

Shierra,
You may get a telephone call regarding some kind of sporting event today. Someone you know may invite you to join a local league or team. You will want to be physically active and could be researching physical activity or sports over the Internet.


Now, how weird is that?

Weeks go by like days

Today

marks

another

year.

I've got dreams to remember

Happy New Year! =)

Finally, 2009 is over. I was sooo waiting for 2010. I'm really hoping this would be a better year, a great year.


My 2009 sucked. New places, new companions, no friends, no work, less clothes, less patience, and a lot more complaints.

Well actually, the part about being in a new place didn't suck. It was actually the effects it brought that sucked.


I'm truly happy having visited a lot of places in a year. And in my first year here too.

In less than 12 months I've been to:

Yaaay! I've always wanted to travel. I just watched Up in the Air a few weeks ago and I thought I would be able to enjoy that kind of life. Well not the "firing people" part. But being able to visit a lot of places. I would looove that! If I had a lot of money that's what I would do.


And also, I'm not a bum anymore.

Yep, I'm now doing an internship for the Studio Theatre in Washington, DC and volunteering in Arlington Central Library. Also I would be volunteering for the Smithsonian Institution. Busy busy...

Wish me luck this year! =)