I'm not in love with him.

I love him.

I'm way past the infatuation now.

Everyday is a Sunday evening

Just a few more inches away from the finish line.

It sounds so weird, or actually not weird, but something... But anyway that's how it feels.

A few more inches and I would have moved on.

But for some reason, it's like there's something that's holding me back. Trying to slow my pace so that I'm not able to move on. Okay, this sounds so cheesy or whatever, but it's like I can see the finish line already, and like I said a few inches away, but still I don't reach it. Cause maybe I don't want to? That maybe, the 'something' that's holding me back is just me.


And another problem that I have is how easily I let what other people say affect me. I care too much about what people think, that I let it control me. Or I let something that someone says too seriously even though it's really nothing.

Oh well, I want a massage.

What comes after the blues

Oh my god. I just blogged last night about how bummed I was. And now, I'm just sooooo happy. Which is great. I love 11:11. I really do.

My wish came true.
I know it wasn't a long shot at all.
I know it must have been a coincidence.

But still, I'd call it fate.


It happened, it really, really, really happened.


And though it happened so quick, just the memory, and how it happened, and when it happened, makes all the difference.

The Lonesome Road

The days are starting to get difficult again. It's getting much harder to wake up in the mornings, to be able to eat and actually do something. This is why I enjoy working, 'cause it keeps me busy, awake and always on my feet. But now that I only have one job, and have been working fewer hours, I have a lot more time on my hands. Time that I often choose to waste. Just cause I choose to do nothing, saying I'm too tired and all. I enjoy may days off, but they've become days which are really unproductive. And I knew that it was gonna be like that way before I had a lot of days off. When I only had Mondays off, it was fine, 'cause I do need at least a day's rest. But now that I have three days a week off, it's just not good for me. See, time off isn't so good for me as I get used to it so much, and I end up being lazy. Especially since it's two days straight. If it were like a day at a time, maybe it would be better. Still, I cannot know for sure, but maybe.

I want to work, I really, really do. If not, I want to study. Although I still haven't figured that out yet. But I do know that I want to go back to school. Which brings us back to work, since I have to earn more money to be able to actually pay for school. Though everyone tells me to just get financial aid, I just don't think I can handle it. I don't do well with expectations.

And I still can't stop thinking about what happened Saturday. I remember this line from He's Just Not That Into You, something Justin Long's character said. I'm not so sure of the exact words, but it went something like, If a guy really likes you then he'll do everything he can to be with you. That really hit a nerve, the first time I heard that, and I constantly remember that line. So now, that's what I really want to believe in. No assumptions, no expectations. Just that. I'm trying not to think that there's more to something, especially if there's not.

And yet here I am going down this path again.

I've been here so many times, it's insane.

Apparently I never learn, or I mean I never change.


And I can't help it, that's just the way I was programmed.

Every night is another story

I'm happy today.

That's all.


I just don't want to forget this night/day. :)

How a resurrection really feels

It's now April...

Spring has come...

The cherry blossoms are blooming, the sun's shining and tourists have arrived, and left...


And oh, my sister and I just moved out from our aunt's place.

We've been planning it for weeks, and now it's finally happened.

Last week was such a looooooooooooong week!

Monday: Searched for Room for Rent ads in newspapers,craigslist, metro roommates, etc.

Tuesday: Didn't go to the theatre, and again looked for ads, called some people; planned to see some houses

Wednesday: Had an interview for the temp agency; Went to see two houses

Thursday: Went to the theatre; called some people; planned itinerary for the next day

Friday (now this is the loooooooooooooooong (and fun) day):

7:30-Woke up, took a bath, got dressed, brushed teeth (didn't eat any breakfast)
8:20- Went to the slug line, waited for a car to take us to the Metro
8:50- Got to the Metro, Rode the train to College Park, MD
9:20- Got off the Metro, Went to the wrong exit; Called the girl who's staying in the housing we were going to; Went to the right exit; Went the way that wasn't towards the house; Went back other way.
10:00- Reached the house; Toured the house; Liked the house; And the area reminds me of UP Diliman
10:30- Walked to the Metro; Rode the train to Shady Grove
11:40- Rode the bus to the house; Went past the house, got off the bus, walked back towards the house
11:55- Got to the house; Toured the house; Loved the room!
12:26- Rode the bus towards the Metro
12:40- Got to the Metro, took the train to Clarendon
1:45- Got to Clarendon; Went to restaurant for interview
2:00- Had the interview; Got hired (Yaaay!) then went to the Metro to go home
3:20- Rode the bus to home
3:40- Got home, Did some laundry, Brought up suitcases from basement, Looked for place to spend the weekend until Tuesday.
4:00- Fixed the doorknob
5:00- Found place to stay
6:00- Packed clothes, keyboard, and other stuff
9:30- Taxi arrived, went to hotel
11:00- Got to hotel; checked in
11:40- Got to the room; ate; watched some TV
1:00 (or later)- Finally slept

Saturday:
7:30- Got up; took a bath
8:40- Went for breakfast
9:50- Keys to Creativity doorhanger distribution
12:30- Ate lunch
2:00- Went back to hotel; Got dressed
3:00- Took the shuttle to Metro
4:00- Started training at restaurant
8:30- Left restaurant
9:30- Got to Pentagon City
10:10- Took the shuttle back to hotel
10:40- Ate dinner
2:00- Slept

Sunday
7:30- Got up, took a bath
9:20- Went for breakfast
10:00- Took shuttle to Metro
10:45- Got to Clarendon; Went to Barnes and Noble
11:20- Went to restaurant for 2nd day of training
3:00- Left restaurant
4:10- Took shuttle back to hotel
5:00- Ate lunch, packed stuff that we're bringing to new place
7:00- Took shuttle to Metro
7:45- Got to Van Dorn Metro
8:15- Got to apartment, which is really nice.
8:30- Left apartment, walked to Metro
9:00- Took train to Pentagon City
9:20- Went to bank, Went to grocery
10:10- Took shuttle back to hotel
10:30- Got to hotel, ate, used computer, watched TV
1:00- Ate, Slept, Ate, Slept


And now here we are...

Seriously, we did a lot more during that week than we ever did during the whole year.

And it was even during the holy week.


Oh well anyway, here's to a new house, two new jobs, and a richer life!

Ashes of dreams you let die

I've never really had an ambition.

I remember when I was in elementary I kept seeing in autograph books the question, "What is your ambition?"

I remember answering, to be successful, to finish college, to graduate, and at least one time to be a doctor and/or teacher.


But I've never really pursued any of those, 'cause I never really wanted to.

I've had a lot of interests, from sports to music, but nothing that I was really, hopelessly passionate about. I was never really a passionate person. I'm not disciplined and I lack devotion.

I took gymnastics lessons when I was around 6 or 7, with my sisters and cousin (my brother took them too, then switched to swimming), and stopped after 2 or 3 summers. I really liked the sport. I recall my first time to do a trick on the bars, I was so excited, I kept coming and coming back even though it was time to go home. And I was so proud of what I have learned. The next two summers I learned even more, and I really thought I was doing so well. I wanted to be a gymnast.

But then, one summer we just never came back. My brother still did swimming lessons, but in a different facility. My sisters and I wasn't able to continue our lessons. I was really frustrated then 'cause I wanted to be so good at something. And considering my built, I thought it was the perfect sport for me. Well, that or ballet.

I just found out last night why we had to stop. I really thought it was because of the prices, that it was getting too expensive. It turns out that wasn't it. You see, it was summer classes, held during April to May, right around election time.  At least now I won't think I was deprived. Not that I do think that, I'm just over-dramatic.


And then I was in a really musical phase. I distinctly remember that ever since I was in first grade, I asked if I could take piano lessons. I didn't, but still I played with our piano at home even though it was so old and out of tune. I learned to play Do Re Mi. I think my brother taught it to me, we just kind of played with it for a while then got it.

In my first year of Highschool I did take piano lessons, up to the fourth year. And guitar, and voice for a year. But still I never really thought that I was a good musician. I really, really wanted to be a musician, until now. Though somehow I'm sensing that it just isn't for me. Yes, I can play the piano, but I'm not able to play as good as I would like to be. The same goes for the guitar. And I've always liked to sing, but I really don't sing very well. I do know the problem's with me, 'cause I don't practice. Like I said, I'm not disciplined.

So I thought I could still pursue something in the music biz, such as Audio Editing/Production, A&R, something like that . The chance seemed to come when I was able to apply for an internship at a record label in Long Beach. Sadly, it didn't work out. I was offered the internship, but I didn't take it.


I've had lots of opportunities to have an ambition, to find something that I want to succeed in, but I really didn't pursue anything whole-heartedly.


So now I want to chase a dream.


I want to learn to ice skate.

And though this is really just because of the Winter Olympics bug, and envying the athletes, I still want to try it. I've always admired the sports that needed grace; like I said I also wanted to try ballet. I think figure skating's such an elegant sport and I just want to know if I had the potential to do it. I think what piqued my interest was when I read about Amanda Evora, who's a Fil-Am figure skater in the pairs division. She was 5' tall, in her 20's I think, and really petite. And I just thought, if she could do it, why can't I? And the South Korean winner of the figure skating, women's individual, was also very petite. So I thought my body's already built for that sport. I can't dance though, but well, I can't skate either. I really want to learn. I'd even like to try speed skating. I just want to ice skate, and see how it turns out.

I know I'm already 20, and most figure skaters start at a very young age. But I've read some articles and they say that was still okay. You could still learn as an adult. And my goal's not really to reach the Olympics, that  would just be a perk. I just want another try at something. I want another chance to pursue an interest. I want to be brave enough to chase another dream.

So now I'm deliberating whether I'm really willing to spend some money (out of my own pocket) to chase a dream. I'm also hoping that after my first try I can more or less gauge if I still think that I can do it. If not, well at least I got it out of my system. Now, if I thought I had the potential, and others thought that I had the potential, well just more reason to get a job. Although doing it would still need quite a lot of discipline, which hopefully would come to me, if I do want to pursue it.


***I can't believe I said all of those. I've said that I was never really passionate about anything, but since the thought of ice skating came to me, I've just never thought about anything else.


Want to know something funny? Here's my horoscope for the day:

Shierra,
You may get a telephone call regarding some kind of sporting event today. Someone you know may invite you to join a local league or team. You will want to be physically active and could be researching physical activity or sports over the Internet.


Now, how weird is that?

Weeks go by like days

Today

marks

another

year.

I've got dreams to remember

Happy New Year! =)

Finally, 2009 is over. I was sooo waiting for 2010. I'm really hoping this would be a better year, a great year.


My 2009 sucked. New places, new companions, no friends, no work, less clothes, less patience, and a lot more complaints.

Well actually, the part about being in a new place didn't suck. It was actually the effects it brought that sucked.


I'm truly happy having visited a lot of places in a year. And in my first year here too.

In less than 12 months I've been to:

Yaaay! I've always wanted to travel. I just watched Up in the Air a few weeks ago and I thought I would be able to enjoy that kind of life. Well not the "firing people" part. But being able to visit a lot of places. I would looove that! If I had a lot of money that's what I would do.


And also, I'm not a bum anymore.

Yep, I'm now doing an internship for the Studio Theatre in Washington, DC and volunteering in Arlington Central Library. Also I would be volunteering for the Smithsonian Institution. Busy busy...

Wish me luck this year! =)

What could have been

The greatest mistake you can make is to be continually fearing you will make one.

 -Elbert Hubbard

I know, right?!

I remember months ago, when I just arrived here, thinking I should be able to make my own mistakes. I know people are trying to help, and of course they just want what's best for me. But it would do them no good to dictate. I'm very, very, very stubborn. And oftentimes I just don't do the things that people want me to. I always want to be in control of my life, my actions and all. It's like, I don't tell you what to say, think or do, so don't tell me what to say, think and do.

I want to make my own mistakes because being the stubborn person that I am, I won't learn until I experience it for myself. Of course, this does not mean every experience. I don't have to be cut by a knife to know that it'll hurt (Though I learned that mistake already). But I'm saying really great things that may end up in failure.

Right now I don't know what I really want. Well actually I do, but I'm not so sure if I can have it. Anyway, I'm exploring my possibilities. I want to discover for myself what I can and cannot do and the only way I can know that is to try the different possibilities.

I don't want to be one of those people who have lots of regrets just because they didn't do the things they wanted to do then. I believe that we're always given choices and it is up to us what we want to do. I don't want to be wondering what could have been.

The birth and death of a day

This was the sight that I woke up to see this morning.

And these are the things that I did during the day

Happy 20th Birthday to me!

Can't take my eyes off you

I have officially fallen in love with Jersey Boys. I really have. I'm listening to their songs over and over again, both from the original Four Seasons and the Broadway's Original Soundtrack. Their songs are now my ear worms. I know that this is just a phase and I've been here lots of times already, with Maroon 5, Taylor Swift and Something Corporate (and that's just naming a few; I just remembered Meteor Garden). And so starts the obsession. I do hope this won't last long though. I think I've been spending too much time on the computer lately. Hence, the four posts in a single week. And it's just the first week of the month! Oh well, I'd absolutely do anything, If I can, to watch Jersey Boys again. From what I've seen in the interviews online, people really do watch it multiple times. And Joseph Leo Bwarie even said that there were those who have watched it 75 times. Now, I don't know if that's true, but it may be highly possible 'cause they still keep on getting great reviews. And there are I think 7 productions all over the world which are currently running. I really, really, really want to see it again. If I can I'd even go to a different city just to watch. I don't even care if it's not the same actors cause I just like the whole play itself, the story and the songs. Of course I wouldn't complain if I get to see again the ones from the first time, they we're fantastic! But their run in DC ends on the 12th and I really doubt I'll be able to watch again by then. I'm crossing my fingers though. You never know. They are the ones who are touring after all, maybe I'll get to see them in a different city.

I'm reading The Color Purple now. It's kind of short so I guess I'll finish if not today then tomorrow. I've been wanting to watch the movie but I've not gotten to it yet. And now while reading the book, the more I want to see the movie. Oh well maybe I'll queue it on Netflix.

This is an excerpt from an article written by Beau Higgins from Broadway World regarding Jersey Boys:

Last night I fell in love with Joseph Leo Bwarie. I am not positive if I fell in love with Mr. Bwarie as Frankie Vallie or the performer himself. No matter, I can't wait to see what he does next. Of course, this would be after witnessing his glorious achievement in Jersey Boys about a dozen more times. He stopped the show more than once and no one in that theater seemed to be able to get enough of the magical spell he kept drawing us into. Smoothly seductive charisma, handsome to look at and a voice that is impossibly magnificent. What a great singer Joseph Leo Bwarie is and how brilliantly he performs in Jersey Boys. Wow! He is beyond sublime and every home should have a Joseph Leo Bwarie in it.


I absolutely feel the same way.

He's just so great. He's a wonderful performer. I would want to see him again even if in a different project. And I've read somewhere that he's gonna be part of the movie Valentine's Day. Well it seems like a nice movie after all, lots of big actors. So I guess he'll be one more reason for me to watch the film. Taylor Swift stars, as well as Taylor Lautner. And Emma Roberts too, from Unfabulous, whom I really like! Anyway, really, Joseph Leo's fantastic, his voice: simply amazing. And like the writer said, seductive charisma and handsome to look at. I have to agree. And he's not tall, so I'm already imagining him singing to me as well. HAHA. Well, he's really not. The real Frankie Valli wasn't as well. And I just realized how much I adore Italians. Al Pacino, Joe Mantegna, Andy Garcia, all from The Godfather franchise. Need I say more? Good thing I took up Italian as a foreign language elective. Though I doubt it would do any good. I'm not sure if Bwarie's Italian though. He looks more Indian to me. I just remembered I kinda saw him up close 'cause after the show they were at the lobby asking for donations, and well he was there, maybe 2, 3 feet away. Also he starred in Princess Diaries 2, a small role I guess, but I'd want to see it again just to watch him. I also watched some of his interviews and he seemed funny. I really hope he is.

I almost forgot, my favorite scene of Bwarie. It goes something like this:

Frankie: But what if they don’t like me as a single?

Bob: What makes you think they liked you before?

Frankie: Fuck you.

Well I guess you had to be there. But really, that scene may just be the moment that I fell in love with him. Haha, it was the way he said "Fuck you", it was great. =))


Well maybe I'd also add this, also from the same article:

The entire ensemble of this show is top notch without a weak leak peeking through. Matt Bailey and Steve Gouveia are simply perfect as THE FOUR SEASON's Tommy DeVito and Nick Massi. Creating new levels for that top notch is Josh Franklin as Bob Gaudio. His singing is gorgeous, his looks are gorgeous and his performance is absolutely fetching, charming and engaging. Great, great work, Mr. Franklin.


Indeed, the three were also great. Matt Bailey as Tommy DeVito seemed perfect even though I don't really know the real person. There's just something in his acting that makes it seem all so real. Plus he kind of opened the story, which he did really well. Steve was funny playing Nick Massi. He was from the original Broadway cast so he's been doing this a long time. And it shows. It's like natural to him. Haha I remember this scene when he feels Bob doesn't notice him. He was really funny, he made everyone laugh. His words and expression are just so fitting. Josh Franklin was very charming. I don't know if it's his eyes, but there's just something about him that's really captivating. And I think he really plays the keyboard, which is the same instrument that Bob Gaudio plays, which is great. 'Cause well during the play they also play instruments, and I don't really think he was faking it. If he was then he still did a good job, I was so convinced it was real!

Update:
I just read from another interview, according to Bwarie, "The actors play their own instruments."

Read full article

Really, I could go on all day, heck maybe all week talking about the same topic. And since I have no one to talk to regarding this, I'll just have to pour all these emotions in my blog. It's like even when I try to digress I still end up where I started.

Well, what can I do? I'm obsessed. This too shall pass, as the others have. And if you're reading this, and you're my friend, well you know how I am. This is me.

First day on a brand new planet

*-*-*-*-*

...for the past few days I've talked to three guys. All of whom I used to like like.

And I felt nothing. =)

I've got you under my skin

Last Saturday I watched my first theater play/musical since coming here. It was Jersey Boys, the story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. If you don't think you know them 'cause the names aren't familiar, you might know their songs. I didn't even really know them when it was decided that we were gonna watch. But I just really wanted to see a play/musical, and I knew that it was gonna be great because they've been getting excellent reviews. We watched the matinee, and considering that it was the afternoon, there were A LOT of people. Well, it was Saturday after all. But still, I would've thought that there wouldn't be that much 'cause they would prefer the evening shows. Anyway, I read the play bill and there it mentioned their songs. Though you might not know them, they released some very well-known songs namely, Stay ("Oh won't you stay just a little bit longer"), Big Girls Don't Cry, Sherry ("Sherry, Sherry Baby") Walk Like A Man, and of course one of their big hits, Can't Take My Eyes Off You.

I remember always asking my mother who sang Can't take my eyes off you. And well now I know, and I even found out about the band's history. It was a really, really great show. I know it was my first here so I can't compare it with anything, but I just know that it was great. From the very first performance which was the opening song I was hooked. The actors were fantastic, it starred Joseph Leo Bwarie as Frankie Valli, and Matt Bailey, Steve Gouveia and Josh Franklin as the rest of the Four Seasons. The song numbers were all great, they were all such wonderful singers. The whole production was really, really awesome. I'm running out of superlatives now so I'll just stop the raving right there. But really, it was such a great experience. I'm so happy that the first show I watched here was not a disappointment. I REALLY LOVED IT. As if it wasn't obvious. But really, like I said, we watched Saturday afternoon, and until now, almost a week later, I'm still raving about it, and reading about the band, and downloading their songs. They were a 60's band by the way. And their still touring. The only remaining member from the original is Frankie Valli, and another original member writes the songs. I would looove to watch them someday. And I enjoyed the show so much I also want to see it again!

And I'm looking forward to getting to see more shows. =) *crossing fingers*


I finished reading The Client by John Grisham last night. It was a very suspenseful read, i think it might be my favorite book to date. I'm hoping to watch the movie adaptation too, I just queued it in Netflix.

Good news

THIS WAS MY GREATEST REASON FOR WANTING TO COME HERE.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE LET ME GOOOO.

I WANNA GOOOO!!!

I WANNA WATCH.

I WANNA SEE THEM PLAY.

I REALLY, REALLY DO.


...I don't think I've ever wanted anything so bad.


PLEASE OH PLEASE.


PLEEEASE LET ME GET A JOB...


...so I can save up for my ticket.


PLEASE.

AND IF I DO GET A JOB, PLEASE LET THE PEOPLE CONCERNED PERMIT ME IN GOING.

PLEASE.


THIS WOULD, HANDS DOWN, BE THE MOST AWESOME 20th BIRTHDAY PRESENT.


California,

I shall return.

I'm wide awake, it's morning

*This was actually supposed to have been posted last night.*


***

Just had a haircut. Again.

I don't think it has been three months since I last got my hair cut. Oh well, now I want my hair short. I actually still want it a little shorter than it is now.


Had a very interesting morning. And because of that, I shall tell the story in my blog. Just so I remember this day.

Woke up from a dream, more like a nightmare, really. I swore to myself that I shall stop hoping and dreaming of that same guy that I have wished for for three years already. And I was true to my word. Of course he still comes by my thoughts, but I don't really think of him "think of him". It just kind of passes by, like a very brief moment. Anyway, about the dream. Well it's kind of fun really, cause like I told a few of my friends, it was kind of like a show on television, with all the action and the drama. I just recall that I went someplace where the guy was, then there were bad guys. Then all of a sudden we were running. I don't know why I was just with him. But I just know that I was running with him, kind of like I was helping him. I think we were going to see the bad guys, though he doesn't know that yet. Anyway, the dream ends while we were running I think, or that's just all that I recall. It was really weird cause when I was starting to realize that it was a dream and feel like I was waking up, I kept closing my eyes real tight cause I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to still be in the dream. Though I call it a nightmare, it was kind of a nice dream, really. And also, one thing that I didn't really forget was a part in the dream where I touched the guy, like really held his hands. And the dream felt like it was really real and that I was there. And well the weirdest part, I actually woke up feeling very tired. My upper body ached and so did my legs.

AND THEN... and this is a really big AND THEN...

I go online and guess what? The guy, that I dreamt about, left me an offline message. I was really, really surprised. But there was also a part of me that wasn't, cause for some reason when I woke up from the dream, I had a feeling that he would message me, that I would get to talk to him. And so that's what happened. I replied to his message and he was still online. We talked, but only for a bit. Like I always say, our conversation goes nowhere.

So after a few messages here and there I stopped replying. Then he messages back saying something really conceited, and I just stopped replying. I don't really know if he's trying to say something, and why he said those things. So I just ignored him. I was also kind of surprised with myself 'cause I didn't think that I would react the way I did. 'Cause knowing me, I would've really made a huge deal of what happened. If they were coincidences or not. But well, I just don't like to think so much of it anymore. I guess I just got so tired of it all. So I guess I didn't think about it that much the whole day. I just thought about it again when I was writing this entry. Although it would be really cool if that dream continues. I would really love that. =)

Oh well, so that's my morning. Really weird, but kind of interesting. It was a fun day. Alhough it rained most of the day. But still, I'm going to bed happy today. =)

Don't dream it's over

My keyboard just arrived!


SO HAPPY! =)

Fall On Me

Listening to Monster's Riot.

Requested some songs through Facebook.

Heard one of the songs I requested.

Such a wonderful moment. =)


Hahaha, well it's my first time (I think) to request anything on air. Sooo exciting. I really thought I won't get to hear any of my songs 'cause I mostly requested OPM (Original Pilipino Music), and they weren't playing any OPM. Also, some of the requests which came after mine were already being played. And being the anxious (and jealous) person that I am, I kinda lost hope already. So it was really, REALLY exciting when the song came on. =)) Plus, DJ Gelli pronounced my name correctly so that was another great thing. =) I love her already! She's beautiful too!

Obviously Im so hyped up by this. So here's to a wonderful night!

PS:
She mentioned my name again! Hahaha 'cause I said that I got so excited the first time. =)) For that, I shall try to tune in everyday.

The search for something more

Just raked autumn leaves from the front yard. FUN. =)

Why is it there's nothing to do online anymore? I used to have days when I would be online almost 24/7. But now, it's like there's nothing to do. Well maybe that's really how it is, and I just hadn't noticed before now.

I like Taylor Swift. I really do. But if all this press about her doesn't stop or just even lessen soon, I think I'm gonna end up disliking her. Too bad, 'cause I really do like her. I think she's very talented and beautiful; and maybe even really nice too. Sure, there are a lot of greater singers than her out there, but I love her songs. I just can't stand all the attention she's getting. I'm happy for her though, really. The awards, all the recognition she's getting, she deserves it. But I just don't like things getting too hyped up. And I think that's what's happening now. Everyday there's some article about her. Every few hours I hear one of her songs on the radio. Like I said, I do like her and her songs, but there comes a point when you just get tired of it all. So I really hope that this Taylor Swift mania subsides, if even just a little. I don't want her to end up like Britney Spears after all. I just want to go through days without seeing her face on the newspaper or tabloids, or hearing a song of hers on the radio.

Am I really that self-centered? Oh well, maybe I am.

The Desperate Kingdom of Love

"Study first before you enter the kingdom of Love" -Melay. PBB

“One thing I’ve learned, that in the face of true love, you don’t just give up. Even if the object of your affection is begging you to.” - Chuck Bass. GG


Those were just some of the words I've read this week which truly hit a nerve.


Funny how some people experience the same kinds of things at the same time. Hence, the title of this post. As of this writing, I have talked to one, two... five people who are kind of  having the same situation right now.

I, however, am trying to get away from that place. Not because I want to, but I have to. Too many people have already told me to move on. And I've told myself that too plenty of times. It's just that I haven't had the will to do it yet. But a friend said, "Take chances. But know when to stop." And I remember another friend telling a friend, "Iba ang binibigyan ng chance sa pinipilit na lang." Sometimes I think that that's exactly what I've been doing. I force myself to believe that there are certain things to do with me, which somehow has to do with him as well. For one thing, how his ex-girlfriend looks so much like one of my sisters. I kept thinking that Fate was bringing us together. Especially how after three years of no communication, we find each other again. Well, I found him. But still, for me it was Fate. Yes, cheesy much. But that's really what I think. Or well, I should say thought. But honestly, no matter how much people would tell me that it's not true, I still believe it. But now I also believe that I should not be throwing myself at him. And as some people have said, if he really wanted to talk me then he would. And I believe that now, cause he's had lots of chances. And he hasn't really done anything about it. None that I notice, at least. So now I think I really am ready for the Acceptance stage. I've been watching As Told By Ginger episodes and I think it has helped me realize that sometimes you really have to let go of things that matter to you, or things you believe in, in order to find yourself and find new things that would matter to you, and to gain new perspective.

According to a Dove Promises Message, "You will not discover new oceans until you've had the courage to leave the shore."

I'm not completely closing that chapter however, like I said, I still believe. I would just not be doing some crazy, stupid things anymore.